tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62582332812257482082024-03-04T20:04:08.212-08:00Mots de ClaireA lifestyle & travel blogAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-11387146370441686882018-01-25T07:39:00.001-08:002018-01-25T07:39:57.187-08:00Three Years Today<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've wanted to write this post for such a long time. I'd tried the previous two years but turns out, that was too soon and too much other and very immediately stressful stuff was happening which didn't allow me to have clear thoughts about anything. First fact about grief, it doesn't make you suddenly have a wonderful sense of clarity and perspective in your life. I still worry about my career, about my relationships and about a thousand other things that definitely didn't need to take up that brain space but there we are.<br />
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In the most appropriate of manners, this was delayed by a whole week because I was worried and agonising over those very things. Clarity and perspective are funny things and I sometimes wonder if I'll ever have a good grasp of either of those qualities.<br />
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So, not perfect, but closer to 'ready' than I've ever felt for the past three years, and I talk a lot about how I want to see multiple narratives around grief and loss, and unfortunately I'm in a very good position to write them.<br />
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What I'm not going to write about is how it happened, what that was like, and my memory of it are actually pretty hazy anyway. According to my planner I was up and about and doing things - I had a Masters degree to do and a job and new friends to make so I didn't know what else to do. My lack of a clear timeline, as someone with an usually excellent memory, would suggest to me that that's probably a pretty traumatic period of my life. So, whilst I might get there eventually I don't have any insights right now that aren't 'that was really awful and I never want to think about it again'.<br />
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I have though, been ready to talk about this basically since it happened. I have been endlessly frustrated with representations of what it means to lose someone and to grieve, and on top of that, how that means people communicate that with me. How I so often don't get to talk about my own truth because people come with their own definite ideas about what that experience <i>must</i> feel like.<br />
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Losing someone isn't just being devastated by your loss, it's a thousand different things that range from the terrible to the just very strange.<br />
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I feel for the most part I've only just realised he's really gone, and now I say it out loud, not just allude to it. I get that this is uncomfortable, but it's also true that if you didn't know the person it's a lot easier to get on board with them being dead than it is if it's someone who formed an actual part of your life. That trope about expecting them to walk through the door is so real, because all their stuff is still there, they're still in all the photos, so why wouldn't they be coming back?<br />
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On top of that I am right there with the morbid fascination, for the previous three years I have staunchly avoided anything that deals with death in an in-depth manner. I have left it exclusively to the realm of crime drama in which everyone recovers from their grief within ten minutes because they're too busy trying to prove they didn't kill the person in question. This week Caitlin Doughty released her book 'From Here to Eternity', a follow-up to her first book 'The Smoke Gets in Your Eyes' - both are an in-depth exploration of death, dying and cultural reactions to both. I heard a review on a podcast and I immediately put it on pre-order.<br />
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This year I can already feel myself bringing it up more and more. I have cackled with laughter at how fucking weird funerals are and I hope I can always find people to share those laughs with. More than anything I realised that there was no way to be disrespectful to the person I lost because they were mine to lose. I don't have to spend significant dates hidden away and alone if I don't want to. Everyone else may have their own opinions and predictions on how they would mark those days but you can't transform who you are or the things you need for the sake of marking an occasion. I have always found to be healed by spending time being with the people I love and those days are no different.<br />
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Most of all I do not only have a life which carries on in spite of that loss, I have a life that <i>includes</i> that loss. And that's fine. It's as real and normal to me as the people who I still have. It comes up all the time, and is relevant all the time, and I'm very okay with that.<br />
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Maybe what will be helpful from all of this is the idea that there is no right way for you to live your life and feel your feelings on the other side of a loss like that. You have the rest of your life to grieve and you certainly don't have to be in any rush to display any emotions on any sort of timeline. It's okay to laugh at the absurdity of a life that includes something like this, it's okay to never want to talk about it and then want to talk about it all the time for months. You are not a machine and you don't to have perfect emotions to display to anyone.<br />
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And if you're someone who has someone close to you who is grieving, please don't only want to hear about it when they're crying and sad. It sounds awful but I really do consider this to be 'doing the least' - I appreciate that sadness is the easiest and most obvious emotion but processing someone's loss is made of lots of things. Your relationship with death can change entirely, and things that you thought were off-limits before become very real conversations that you have to have almost daily. Let your person talk about it, let them talk about the practicalities of living without their person without squirming away from them. Losing someone is weird. It's weird, one moment they're there and the next they aren't and that takes a long time to get to grips with.<br />
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Let your friend or loved one be weird and talk about weird stuff, let them live their new reality. My family almost never mentioned the reality of death but that changes when you lose the youngest member of your family first. Somehow it didn't make the prospect of losing anyone else more scary, but it did make it a lot more real. You may call it morbid but a death in the family is already the definition of morbid.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-83909082698184561302018-01-14T11:22:00.002-08:002018-01-14T11:22:27.961-08:00Four Days in London & Paris<div style="text-align: justify;">
...and the rest of the week in bed. </div>
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I will get on to the exciting part of the week soon but is anyone else completely exhausted? Why is January the first month of our calendar when it is legitimately the worst and most tiring month of all months? What's the deal why did we do this?</div>
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Off the back of this feeling I have spent the final three days of the week largely stationed in bed with one venture out to be stationed in a friend's house for dinner. Not so for the first half of the week however...</div>
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What can I say there was a Eurostar sale so I was reunited with my Paris partner in crime and we basically did Paris 2017 2.0. We saw all of the things we'd tried to see last time but didn't have time/they weren't open because Monday is a completely pointless day to spend in Paris. This includes a very cute raw vegan cafe called Raw Cakes which we failed to visit after we failed to want to wait for two hours to get into the Catacombs (Paris is a city of failed attempts for us and most people I think). This time we did both of those things, the Catacombs are a longtime love of mine because they were featured in a truly terrible horror film called As Above So Below but ever since I saw it they have been a firm bucket-list item. </div>
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It's just lots of skulls and bones arranged into walls but I bloody loved it. </div>
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We went to museums and ordered food in every evening and what else could anyone want from a mini-break really? I have revised down my dream of living there largely because everything is so expensive and also because I would end up existing only on vegetables and eggs which is not the life I want for myself. Also because it is cold and after spending so long in very hot places I'm now pretty certain I would only permanently relocate somewhere if it was objectively warm for nine months of the year or more. Paris is very beautiful in the winter but I am grumpy when I am cold so unfortunately it remains a holiday destination and nothing more. </div>
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London was a different set up all together because I am lucky enough to know many people who live there and who will have me in their homes and rush out on their lunch breaks to meet me, it was a whirlwind largely because of tube and bus delays which meant I spent a lot of time looking stressed on public transport and fixing my hair and makeup in public toilets. I don't live there but I feel this is a large part of the experience of people who do, and in that sense, I feel well-prepared for any living I may do there in the future. </div>
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I had so many more conversations about resolutions and making and not making them, in truth although I wrote a post about things I'd like to do more of I feel like maybe the best one would to make this a no pressure year. 2017 was a lot of pressure for a lot of reasons and some of those things came to fruition and some didn't, but they certainly didn't seem to yield results based on how much energy I expended on them. </div>
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Working hard is important but so am I, and I don't need to excessively push myself in any area of my life to get what I want, I have good friends who don't drain me and a family who supports me and I mostly have my health and enough money to live. I want to push myself in ways that feel exciting and make me happy and not because I think everything will fall apart if I don't. I don't want to bend over backwards for anyone or anything, and I want to get better and making decisions based on what I don't want as much as what I do. </div>
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This isn't to say I don't need to try, I've just scaled down the things I want and need and also decided against trying to achieve everything possible by the age of 30, because if every year was like last year I probably won't make it to 30 anyway, at least not with a full head of hair. I could resolve to stop stressing about things I can't change, maybe too big, but maybe I should stop complaining about them instead. Once I can't verbalise something I find it much easier to push it to one side and move on from it, so that would be a good place to start.</div>
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Maybe nothing needs to be better, I could just leave myself alone to age and change normally, you know, without trying to document my every thought and feeling and constantly psychoanalyse myself. Now that <i>would</i> be nice. </div>
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Whatever they are, they will be starting in February because I'm already over January and its seeming endlessness. Here's to a quiet January filled with a lot of food, tea, hot baths and slow weekends writing from my bed. Here's to a January that ends as quickly as it arrives, and to an all-guns-blazing rest of the year. </div>
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I'm on Instagram - <b>clairegillesp</b> - where there are pictures of Paris a-plenty, and also a very nice purple mohair M&S jumper. </div>
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I'm listening to Romesh Ranganathan's <i>Hip Hop Saved My Life, </i>I realise I am very late to this party but in case you haven't heard it then please do. I am also forever loving <i>The High Low </i>and I just finished reading Joe Sacco's <i>The Fixer</i> which became my first book is 2018. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-948731497173247892017-12-30T15:25:00.000-08:002017-12-30T15:25:05.896-08:002017 - A Year In Review<div style="text-align: justify;">
As I'm writing this I'm sat with dye on my hair, aiming to recreate the hair look I've realised is basically my hair at its best, and the one I entered 2017 with. When you read this I'll be heading down to London to see in New Year the way I usually do, with my best friend and no defined plan - my favourite type of New Years Eve, to be honest. I'll have a shelf of new books waiting to be read when I get back, and a pile of magazines to get through, this year hasn't been an easy one for reading - thank goodness it's at least been a little better for writing. I hope I can do more of both next year.<br /><br />This isn't about next year though, and it isn't (thank goodness) about my hair, it's about this year. </div>
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<br /><br />2017 was A YEAR.<br /><br />My friends asked me to rate my year this week and I gave it a staggeringly high 8/10. I wish I could have told first half of 2017 me that by the end she'd consider 2017 to be an 8/10 year. Maybe she would have enjoyed it more that way, but more importantly, maybe she wouldn't have beaten herself up so much about being unhappy in the first place. You can call it rose-tinting if you wish, but I have to say that feeling more peaceful by the end of the year does make me feel better about the whole 12 months. So with that in mind, let's take a little look at what 2017 brought me. </div>
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<li>I lied, there is more about my hair - but finding my skin/makeup and hair happiness has been quite the achievement, I look forward to having those things locked down in 2018 and just maintaining them rather than endlessly googling 'best face oil uk'.</li>
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<li>I wrote - so much more! I pitched and got published and rejected (more the latter) and wrote this blog more and realised I only want to do it if I enjoy it. I don't want being a freelance writer to be my livelihood, or even a side-hustle, I want writing to be something I do as a passion project to relieve stress and make me happy. I'm glad I tried but also recognised I didn't enjoy any aspect of it (I love working in offices with other people - who knew?) and that I could be a writer without needing to send ten thousand emails a day trying to tell other people I was one. </li>
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<li>I travelled - a lot. I just did a Twitter thread on my best moments of 2017 and after I'd finished realised I'd missed out so many day trips and city breaks. Next year will be more UK-based, but I hope I can still find time to take trips to every corner of the country and see the people I'm so lucky to have there. Travelling in itself isn't an achievement, but since I wasn't sure I'd ever get to have a year like this, it has made me very happy to look back on it and realise I had it, and I have loved every moment of it. The freedom and flexibility has truly been a blessing.</li>
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<li>I used my voice - I said what I thought, in public, in private, in public places but having private conversations because I have no sense of polite behaviour. I stood up for the things I believed in and myself (note for next year: make yourself something you believe in) and I met other people who thought the same. I didn't back myself and then I did, and you know, more than anything, I sleep much better now I do. </li>
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<li>I made so many friends - I love other people and that's no secret so this one needs no explanation. </li>
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<li>I have learnt so much - Arabic, French, politics and so much more from everywhere I've been and everyone I've encountered. </li>
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It has been A YEAR. Maybe if I thought about it too hard I wouldn't call it a good year, but this is adulthood and it's HARD friends. If I can find a way to say it's a good year, if I can find a way to say I needed to have had those things happen to grow and change and just be in my twenties, and still class it as 8/10 because I know that's how I should feel - then maybe that's enough. May 2018 be the year I see the good things for what they are and the bad things as chances to learn. </div>
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May we all have a little more peace and sleep as well as is humanly possible. </div>
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*****</div>
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I'm on Twitter - <b>@clairegillesp</b> - where I'm realistically reviewing the year, talking about achievement and also posting my favourite photos from 2017.</div>
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I'm on Instagram - <b>clairegillesp</b> - where snow photos are available.</div>
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I'm reading <i>Jeremy Bowen's War Stories</i> and I love <i>Loyle Carner</i>.</div>
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xx</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-37486342664994027972017-12-18T07:07:00.002-08:002017-12-18T07:07:28.589-08:002018 Resolutions <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This week I finally caved and decorated my room to match the feeling of the house - which is incredibly Christmassy - there is now a fibre optic tree on my desk, and multicoloured lights in my windows. The whole thing is very early 2000s and seasonal. So as the year comes to an end of course I have to talk about 2018 - what I want from it and what I’d like to do more of. I rarely make resolutions in the sense of changing my entire life outlook, I like to think I am slowly getting there with who I am as a person, and I don’t need to restart every January 1st. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />But then I had a very long and deep chat with some very good friends over a good breakfast (and then later in a Wok-To-Go), about resolutions and things we wanted to do next year so I was forced to think about it, and actually got quite into it. I don’t love the idea that I have to radically change my life every year but there are of course things that I’d like to be different by this time next year. <br /><br />I also love a goal - so here are some more gentle and easily-achievable aims for 2018. </span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Less meat (the environment), less dairy (I’m intolerant) and more water (everyone should). </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keep taking your makeup off every night - this is going great so far, but it never hurts to keep it on the list. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Go outside every day - this will hopefully be easier eventually - whilst I’m still working from home in the dead of winter though, it needs a bit more focus and attention. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Do more yoga - even if it’s just five minutes in the morning, because it is so good for me and my joints and I don’t know why I find it so easy to not do something I enjoy so much. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take plenty of photos, of other people, of things, of yourself - keep a nice record of things but also for me to enjoy enjoying how I look and not feeling bad about it most of the time. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you won’t think of yourself, think of your skin - even though I could stress and worry myself to death every day, it would probably be more useful to stop doing that. Even if I can’t quite do it because I want to take care of myself emotionally, it is much easier for me to see the effects it has on my body, and vain as it may sound, it’s easier for me to focus on those sometimes than any kind of inner peace. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Read 30 books - I’ve even got a goodreads account and already started using it to get into the swing of things before I set myself a yearly goal of 30 books throughout the year. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Get rid of the trash - I know what I’m referring to and it’s about not putting up with things that have no place in my life in the new year, not waiting for them to get better, just plain getting rid of sources of stress in my life. Something I’ve already done in 2017 and I’m happy to report worked so well that I’m going to keep on doing it in 2018. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stop explaining myself - I want to get better at saying ‘sorry, I just really don’t want to do that’ or ‘sorry, I’m too busy’ without feeling the need to bend over backwards to do everything that everyone asks me to. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They might feel not very important, or deep, or life-changing, but I like them, I like that I can see myself doing them without too much effort but still being happy I did. I like that they’re about taking care of myself through being discerning about how I spend my time and energy, and I love that I’ll be taking care of myself on a number of different levels if I stick to them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*****</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />I’m on Twitter - <b>@clairegillesp</b> - where lockdown is still active as ever but I’m also tweeting a lot about things I’d like to do differently next year. <br />I’m on Instagram - <b>clairegillesp</b> - where winter and Christmassy photos are everywhere. <br />I saw <i>Star Wars</i>, it was brilliant I have no other feelings about it that you’d thank me for so just go see it. I am also reading <i>Journalism by Joe Sacco</i> and <i>The Vanity Fair Diaries by Tina Brown</i>, and I bought myself the <i>Faber & Faber Poetry Diary 2018</i> - so every week I get a new poem to go along with my messy handwriting which is nice.<br /></span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">xx</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-69746853037162083322017-12-08T07:11:00.002-08:002017-12-13T03:49:08.802-08:00Smear Tests & Social Media<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First off, some life updates: my most important message of this post is that if you are the right age to be eligible for a smear test please go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My nurse was super sweet and helpful and kept me talking and relaxed through the whole thing - which was not only fine with very low-level discomfort but also over very quickly. Of course even if it was the single most painful five minutes of my life it still needed doing and she told me that 92% of people who died of cervical cancer in 2015 didn’t get tested - so it literally saves lives friends, please please please don’t put it off. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The second is that I went to a wedding! It was beautiful and emotional and I felt very honoured to be part of such a special day. Everyone looked absolutely gorgeous and the wedding was completely their own, including the flowers and table centrepieces which her wonderful mum made (get in touch if you’re getting married in the Yorkshire area and still looking for a florist). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve also been planning the rest of the month, filled largely with festive activities, and other activities which aren’t in themselves festive but are taking place in December so everything is by default a bit associated with Christmas. The words ‘we’ll have to see each other before Christmas’ keep coming out of my mouth, despite the fact that I have no family commitments beyond the day itself, and therefore, I am actually no less free than any other week of the year. Before January would probably be a good idea though, I have a feeling 2018 might bring a lot of change with it, including a possible change of location (?). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve almost kept my commitment to never complain about being busy, despite how much this time of year is a nightmare for everyone, because I am trying to accept that I actually enjoy it and not get trapped in complaining for the sake of it. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Change of location not advised when home looks like this.</span></i></div>
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What a segway, now on to the topic of today’s post. </div>
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The disclaimer I surely don’t need is that I am not at all suggesting you just snap out of feeling depressed or any other mental health issue you might have. I know that is impossible, and I would never tell anyone feeling that way to just ‘think about things differently’, I am not about to tell you to go for a walk to cure your clinical depression. I am lucky enough to not feel that way all the time, but I am also guilty of not always taking good emotional care of myself even when I don’t. </div>
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The thing is, although I’m a huge advocate of feeling your feelings, when those feelings become a general mindset that I could do something about (i.e. I’m not suffering mental health-wise I am just being miserable) I have a responsibility to myself to try and be better. At least with the way I talk about things if nothing else, I am so guilty of being drawn into finding something to complain about when my friends are doing it, and the way I talk about and frame things has such an impact on how I feel about them. Incidentally my best friend is my best friend for the very reason that she encourages me to be excited where I could be stressed, to be proud when I could feel defeated, and to embrace being busy where I could be overwhelmed by it. She’s wonderful and I’m very lucky. </div>
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I am lucky, not just for that reason but for a million others. 2017 was such a year. Describing it as great doesn’t feel right but it WAS, look at all the things I’ve done and the friends I’ve made and the things I get to do now because of it all. I can’t measure the year by its worst moments because that would be unfair, every year has had its troughs, and 2017 has been no worse than any other in recent memory. How many times have people sent me messages saying ‘looks like you’re having an amazing time’, ‘so jealous of your Instagram posts’ only for me to be like ‘yeah they’re right, this is all pretty great, thanks for reminding me’.</div>
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It really is as good as it looks, I have had an absolutely brilliant time. </div>
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None of that is manufactured, or put on, and I wouldn’t feel like I could put it on social media if it was. Even the parts that aren’t Instagram-worthy are pretty great, I have friends I can have two-hour phone conversations with, who call me when things are bad and when they’re good, and I just generally love the company of other people. I’m trying not to complain about being busy when I make my life that way because I love it. </div>
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The problem is that I don’t hold on to that feeling, and I don’t look at all of that for what it is - a really wonderful collection of people and opportunities which I am so blessed (#blessed) to have. I don’t take the time to think, actually there is so much in this life that you can handle but only because you have such a support network around you. I don’t say ‘actually I couldn’t give a sweet shit about having a lot of things, but having my friends close is something I really care about and have’. I have everything I could ever really need, including the sort of relationship with my parents which allows me to live in their house long-term-temporarily, and it infuriates me that I don’t even enjoy it. </div>
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Any google of ‘social media comparison’ and you could read enough think pieces to fill a lifetime on how awful Instagram is and the relative evils of following people on social media. When it comes to body image and Instagram I am a complete advocate, please unfollow people who make you feel bad about yourself, you do not need that in your life. Fuck those beauty standards and fuck that pressure when we’ve all got better things to do and specifically fuck anyone who promotes that revolting ‘diet’ tea. </div>
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What I often also find myself doing though, is feeling bad about myself because I’m not a business mogul aged 25, because I’m not giving TED talks on how to build your brand or manage a social media career. I don’t even want any of those things! I don’t want to be an entrepreneur, or a social media personality or have a personal brand. I can barely think of anything worse. I would quite like a podcast and a blog and some articles published sometimes but I also crave a 9-5. I want to go home and do nothing and have a normal schedule and some people don’t want that and that’s fine, but why am I jealous of things I don’t even want? </div>
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I wonder if maybe it might be a bit harder to be content with what I have than I expected, and if maybe I’m not surrounding myself with the right people. I should make absolutely clear of course, that I do not insist on everyone around me being happy 24/7, but there is something to be said for surrounding yourself with people who cheer for you and encourage you to remember everything you’ve already got and achieved. That responsibility is on me too, to make sure I don’t take things for granted, and to make sure I don’t make my life a race against milestones that don’t even exist. I want to be able to scroll through social media and enjoy pictures of someone’s gorgeous holiday or fancy work event without using them to beat myself up with. </div>
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I don’t want to have to convince myself that ‘no one’s life can possibly be that good’ because that feels like I’m hoping someone has struggles in their lives that I can’t see. I hope it really is that good, and I just want to remember that my life is that good too. Your life is good in its own way and I hope you enjoy it as much as social media looks like you should be, I want to enjoy mine as much as I should be, too. </div>
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*****</div>
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I’m on Twitter - <b>@clairegillesp</b> - with a festive name but still on lockdown for the foreseeable future. It isn’t the dream but it is a necessary measure so I don’t worry about it every single day.</div>
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I’m on Instagram - <b>clairegillesp</b>- where there is more winter and Christmas content on the way.</div>
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I just read T<i>he Valancourt Book of Victorian Christmas Ghost Stories, The Upstairs Room & The Silent Companions</i> - all ghost stories and very befitting of my winter mood. Someone commented I was ‘reading my feelings’ and tbh, yes, and I’m loving it. </div>
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xx</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-13672297935667102472017-11-17T05:21:00.003-08:002017-11-21T10:09:23.750-08:00Good Advice <span id="docs-internal-guid-c2dbc1c9-ca23-aed0-1f5c-15299cc67cd0"></span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-c2dbc1c9-ca23-aed0-1f5c-15299cc67cd0"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Who claimed this would be weekly! Not me! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s been a very busy couple of weeks leaving and returning and working out how to work from home again. It’s been a lot of making plans and spending more time on trains than I thought was humanly possible within the space of a week. It really hit home when someone asked how long I’d been back and I said it must have only been a week to the day but yet I’d only spent four days in my home city. This weekend is no different but I get to see more people I’ve been dying to see for the past few months, and then I get the ultimate honour of being a bridesmaid at the wedding of one of my oldest friends. I’m so excited and still so overwhelmed about being asked - I am sure the day will be one of the best of my 2017. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve fully embraced being back at home by drinking approximately 100 cups of tea, burning candles at my desk (Macaron - Voluspa from Anthropologie, smells gorgeous) and wearing a different jumper every day. I am making Christmas-based plans and eating all the food I’ve missed so much (all of it). Job applications are boring and I don’t want to go too in-depth into the process but if anyone sees a job I might like/be good at, please don’t hesitate to send it my way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I haven’t been completely missing from the internet, and I wrote this over on </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dear Damsels</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> about why I love winter because it’s so consistent and also because I love it being dark and cold because I fully embrace the weather of most of the year we can do nothing about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, on to the point of the post. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I get given a lot of advice, we all do. I also hate being given advice, I sometimes call them ‘platitudes’ rather than advice because honestly a lot of the time it feels like the person might not have bothered saying anything at all. That being said, I’ve realised that being in your mid-twenties and therefore, being a ‘Millennial’ (still hate it as a term) means that you’re either reading a think-piece on advice someone is giving, or talking about your problems with your friends and inadvertently talking about ways you could make yourself feel better. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It hasn’t all been terrible, so I thought I’d share the best pieces of advice I’ve been given: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Nice things don’t happen’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Going with my favourite first, this might sound like terrible and fatalistic advice, but I love it for that reason. I love the concept that nothing just spontaneously happens to you and the best things in life are usually the result of continuing to work and try and just keep on pushing until something gives. Which not only feels very true to my experience but also is literally the only way I can motivate myself some days, so we can but hope it’s actually somewhat true. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Just learn to let things go’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This one said to me not by a friend trying to comfort me, but by someone who may as well have said ‘can you please just stop talking about this problem’. Well eventually I have learnt to let things and people go, specifically people who don’t take my concerns and problems seriously and try and tell me to ‘just let it go’. Never let it be said I don’t take the advice I’m given. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Life is too short and your peace is too valuable’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This one I have applied in very specific circumstances. For example, I have unsubscribed from all the podcasts I listened to which constituted of privileged white women talking about how hard it is to live in central London as a freelancer and how scary it is to have non-opinions on the internet. I believe in diverse opinions but I also have no desire to spend my time listening to 50 minutes of basic-business talk which could leave me wanting to pull out my own eyes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Listen to the people who love you’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People have been screaming this at me, but most importantly my best friend. This resonated with me so much I wrote about it for Anne T. Donahue’s weekly newsletter. It’s very true though, I hope you do focus in on the people who care about you and like you. You are definitely allowed to believe your own hype, because life will take you down a peg or two all on its own, without you inviting people in to help. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">See also: </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘The Devil doesn’t need an advocate, he’s literally fine.’ </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Don’t tell everyone everything, you don’t know what their intentions are’</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wrote an entire post about this, about not always discussing your future plans with everyone and actually, now I’ve gotten into the incredibly tedious activity of applying for jobs, I’ve been finding it much easier. Apart from telling people who need to know when I’m going for an interview, I haven’t really discussed what I’ve been applying for or even how I’m feeling about it. Beyond the fact it’s very boring and every job application that doesn’t accept a CV makes me want to pull out my eyes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where we are still on lockdown because of job apps but I accept basically everyone to follow me, so don’t be put off by that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where top-quality UK and wedding content will be coming very soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve been listening to Ed Miliband’s podcast </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Reasons to be Cheerful</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> which I love as much as you would expect, and I’ve been reading ghost stories (</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Upstairs Room, The Silent Companions</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">) on the recommendation of the podcast </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What Page Are You On?</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I would heartily recommend both of them, as well as the December issue of Vogue, which is the first under new Editor-in-Chief Edward Enninful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
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</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-80419811253946175022017-10-24T02:29:00.002-07:002017-10-30T05:15:45.748-07:00The Pros & Cons of Staying<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-6715c8cb-4e4f-56c8-09af-649bcb6d4c48"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">First of all, yes there was a little angry ranting blog post last week which I forgot/chose not to promote - it is about sexual harassment and it is <a href="https://motsdeclaire.blogspot.com/2017/10/metoo-responsibility-of-men.html" target="_blank">here</a>. In other news I also wrote <a href="http://thefinancialdiet.com/moved-new-country-job-job-stopped-existing/" target="_blank">this</a>, for The Financial Diet, and <a href="https://leftfootforward.org/2017/10/britains-self-employment-boom-relies-on-a-diminution-of-workers-rights/" target="_blank">this</a> for Left Foot Forward. They are all in a very similar theme but different angles of today’s blog post, so that’s nice. I was also featured in Anne T. Donahue’s newsletter </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">That’s What She Said</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">, and that little excerpt is here (you should <a href="https://tinyletter.com/annetdonahue" target="_blank">subscribe</a> they are always very good):</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span>
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; max-width: 600px !important; text-align: left;">"Listen to the people who love you and believe them." This is good advice because whilst I continue to be a bit of a disaster, my friends still love me -- this is because no one ever loved anyone because they were perfect, or ultra-successful, or got really good exam results. The people around me controversially continue to love me despite the thousand and one things that I have tried that have not worked. That is almost certainly true for everyone and their friends because the people who love you are not the Dragon's Den panel. Unless they are, in which case I hope they don't behave like that in their down time.</i></div>
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; max-width: 600px !important; text-align: left;">*****</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll level with you, I’ve never made a pros and cons list before, and until now I’d always thought they were basically useless. Then I started to have doubts about being here, the real reason I came basically ceasing to happen and the ambitions I had for staying looking solidly like they weren’t going to be fulfilled. Being here for a second period of time also gave me an insight into the things I want, and the things I miss. Most pertinently though, it gave me a lot of time to think about the things I think are important, and what I want my life to be made up of. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijLXc_u9EBtf1Tx3t3GnANtSGLN673s2uife3tw-JAP5Rkkm9wkbmaqFylHYdAq0gdoTDhLYqH65Pc8PH87ZOD4i8rl8VZHhmXfUsvXPq8TZS70kjTURRdtapMzTaKJBwCAU5yWHjeKGA/s1600/IMG_2664.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijLXc_u9EBtf1Tx3t3GnANtSGLN673s2uife3tw-JAP5Rkkm9wkbmaqFylHYdAq0gdoTDhLYqH65Pc8PH87ZOD4i8rl8VZHhmXfUsvXPq8TZS70kjTURRdtapMzTaKJBwCAU5yWHjeKGA/s640/IMG_2664.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I didn’t include the obvious con which is of course, after declaring I was off on a long-term jaunt abroad, I was back, after only three months. I have the opportunity to do so many cool things here if I stay but I have to be honest about my career/life priorities at the moment, and these things might be cool but they’re not exactly what I’m looking for right now. The next few months will tell whether what I’m looking for exists and is within my reach but I think it’s worth my while to try. The embarrassment and apprehension of having to explain my decision isn’t really there in the way I expected it to be, I suppose after three years plagued with changing circumstances and changes of heart you just learn to get a little less attached to consistency. It hasn’t all been bad, but I can’t pretend it was all planned either.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi__IQI2qu_FZGoewDCu0M9sc7ibAlkO7omZ9TCJMtfrS76B5LYlyu0w4fviSLIQNeVs22ELGkDvrYR8vY5GGRh7y03mVMA3Sj3Rr07ZRIhX8-08wbjTtM9ZINoqK19-10Gfat9H920tSE/s1600/IMG_2637.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="970" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi__IQI2qu_FZGoewDCu0M9sc7ibAlkO7omZ9TCJMtfrS76B5LYlyu0w4fviSLIQNeVs22ELGkDvrYR8vY5GGRh7y03mVMA3Sj3Rr07ZRIhX8-08wbjTtM9ZINoqK19-10Gfat9H920tSE/s320/IMG_2637.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is me, all day, every day.</td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />So, now I'm adding another unplanned decision to the list and I'm going home and it will 99% be for good. I've started applying for jobs, and clicking attending on events, and making all sorts of long-term plans and telling people I'm leaving. It's fair to say everyone's response has obviously been incredibly supportive, I guess that's maybe why I don't worry so much about these changes of heart or life decisions because I know I've surrounded myself with good people who respect me and support me. Here's the thing, even if they didn't, I just have to go. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Try as I might I just don’t have any attachment to Amman as a place, I have good memories here but I don’t recall them the way I do everywhere else I’ve lived. The people I’ve met here are as much a part of my life as people I met anywhere else, but I just can’t conjure the image of Amman as my home in the way I wish I could, not in a way that would make me want to stay. Especially not if the cafes and restaurants here continue to blast the AC despite the fact it’s really not that warm outside. I’m in a constant state of confusion because I see people sitting quite happily in t-shirts and I’m wearing three layers and freezing. </span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-d6f025fa-4dbe-404c-74e9-d8a2c3045a61"></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wish there was a way to replicate how easy it is for me to practice and learn Arabic here, and to bring everyone with me, and to take all the bits of my life I love with me. But then it wouldn’t be leaving and then it wouldn’t be a decision at all. The truth is I just need a good job with good money and I wouldn’t find that if I stayed, not in the opportunities I’ve been offered and not with the sectors I would be able to work in. I have to be realistic and brutally honest with myself and wish as I might I’m just not in the position to do unpaid internships or receive stipends and also live and happy life in which I’m not constantly stressed about money. Nor should I have to, and I don’t want to resent my workplace because they claim to be socially conscious but don’t pay their staff. I have before slipped into saying that I shouldn’t have to work these jobs for free but no one should have to work any job for free. I have the ability to choose to not to that (and also the circumstances which force me out) and I am taking it (and accepting them). </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So now these are my final few weeks in Amman and I’m very okay with that. I’m trying not to wish them away even though I’m so excited to go home and see everyone, trying not to condemn the time I still have left just because I know I’m making the best decision by leaving. Trying to work out how much stuff I’ve actually gained and if it’s possible to pack it all - why have I bought souvenirs that need to be laid flat and are made basically only of paper, what was I thinking? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>@clairegillesp</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - which is locked right now so I don’t ruin my blossoming career as a PR for dentists. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>clairegillesp</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where these will be the final few weeks of Amman-based content. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My life is just job applications and writing at the moment so I’m listening to podcasts but not really listening to them because I’m just writing about how great I am at teamwork over and over again. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-1547963473289021502017-10-18T05:39:00.001-07:002017-10-18T05:39:11.318-07:00#metoo & the responsibility of men<span style="font-family: inherit;">No usual blog this week, too many decisions and job applications and a thousand things I'll explain later. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Instead, just this: </span><br />
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I originally wrote a list of incidents in the last few weeks, stories that you will have heard if you know me well. I deleted it because I don’t think I should have to relive every story for men to believe me. Because I’m a woman I’m expected to break myself open to help them understand, whether that’s good for me or not, whether they care or not.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2fd95e6a-2f7a-6fca-41e8-29f2b783da27" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How willfully stupid are you and how many times do we need to tell you?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m bored. I’m bored of being harassed, but I’m more bored of sharing these stories and having my female friends sympathise and talk about what ‘works’ to get rid of these men and what doesn’t, whilst my male friends seem surprised. Every. Single. Time. I’m bored of having to tell them only to feel like I might as well be talking to myself. You know these men. You have to. The world is not that big and these are your friends or your brothers or your cousins. It is your responsibility and not mine.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If I were to ‘be more careful’ at this stage I would have to conclude that the only effective precaution would be to never go outside, and I’m certainly not harassing myself, so who is to blame?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Harassment is bad, and it’s worse and more dangerous for women who do not have the privileges that I have. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Men</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> should be embarrassed of their gender and </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">men</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> should do something about it, because you have the ultimate privilege of being considered an actual person. Men do not harass me because they want to hit on me and they don’t know how. Men harass me the same way a child might run into a flock of birds; because they can, because they think it's funny and because they don’t humanise the thing they’re bothering because they don’t think birds have emotions or humanity in the same way people do. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And maybe you don’t yell at women on the street. Congrats. But maybe you do talk shit about women and call them ‘crazy’, maybe you believe women owe you their good behaviour, because they’re there just to please you, right? Women can only exist in relation to men so if you disapprove and say ‘I hate it when girls…’ then guess what, you’re still to blame. Every time you say something like that, you say that I can only be whatever you say I am, and therefore, I am only worthy of the treatment you think I deserve. If I am your friend or your sister or your daughter I am still a woman, and when you say ‘women’ you are talking about me. Those men on the street don’t care that you’ve deemed me ‘worthy’ of respecting, they just hear ‘women’ this and ‘women’ that.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The best way I ever heard it described was this - </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘every time you call a woman a slut, you make it unsafe for your friends and sisters and daughters and mothers to be outside’.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At this point I’d rather men just said ‘I’m sorry I know you’re being harassed and I probably do contribute to it somehow, but you know what? I just don’t care enough to say or do anything about it.’</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And no, I’m not more exasperated or emotional than any other woman when it comes to this issue, I just have a blog and I won’t be quiet. </span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally, a little disclaimer: love and so much support to women who shared their experiences under the #metoo hashtag and I hope women who feel comfortable doing so continue to share their experiences. I will continue to support women, and all marginalised groups as much as I possibly can but I will not do any more emotional labour in which I am expected to explain to men who evidently could not give a shit, the ways in which misogyny impacts on my life. I will simply not endure those relationships, because I don’t think that on top of everything else, I should have to grin and bear discussing my actions and feelings about the men who harass me rather than say, what actions men could take to make it stop happening. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">******</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are some other things I'v</span>e written this week: </div>
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The Financial Diet <a href="http://thefinancialdiet.com/moved-new-country-job-job-stopped-existing/" target="_blank">What Happened When My Job Didn't Exist</a></div>
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Left Foot Forward <a href="https://leftfootforward.org/2017/10/britains-self-employment-boom-relies-on-a-diminution-of-workers-rights/" target="_blank">Self-Employment and Worker's Rights</a></div>
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xx</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-41226259044967477122017-10-05T06:57:00.000-07:002017-10-05T06:58:15.914-07:00Two Trips to Lebanon<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Since I got back to Amman in August it feels like I’ve been constantly on the move, working with Project Amal ou Salam (which I’ll be writing about soon) and spending a couple of long weekends in Beirut with friends old and new. I am so lucky to be able to travel this region easily, and see so many versions of what we know the Middle East to be. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgjwRqwHzkIF8mQjLb1pp-Gs_rkouUDBWNKvTms1Ry5qVAYoOxZLwm7PXgLqHUHmCRp8IU3dzCqWcBFct2hX1fLtZ2AHoR_rPqBgiWau3fZW0eSQM3KubXrgEUuHgJeW5o7UqRz_WScrQ/s1600/IMG_2380.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="1080" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgjwRqwHzkIF8mQjLb1pp-Gs_rkouUDBWNKvTms1Ry5qVAYoOxZLwm7PXgLqHUHmCRp8IU3dzCqWcBFct2hX1fLtZ2AHoR_rPqBgiWau3fZW0eSQM3KubXrgEUuHgJeW5o7UqRz_WScrQ/s320/IMG_2380.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-7b78ab75-ecc9-ef16-7e54-e9f018f7f7c9" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Both trips were approached without any sort of itinerary, the second was was very spontaneously booked because I was having a bad week, there was a national holiday and when someone asks me to go on a trip with them I find it impossible to say no. It was a reunion with a very good friend and some wonderful new ones, and I’m very happy I went even if the same country twice within the space of a month seems a bit much. I will do a little list of recommendations below, of restaurants, places and things to see. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Sursock Museum - is free and very cool and a great gift shop.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Street Art - there must be an actual walking tour of street art in Beirut and it would be very worthwhile.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mar Mikhael - lots of cool cafes and tiny art galleries, can easily do a relaxed day walking around this area. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tannourine - go on a hiking tour, see some Lebanese Cedars.</span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sour - a cute fishing village if you have time, definitely not a priority. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Le Chef - good food and good service.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mohammad Al-Amin Mosque - those ceilings. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Downtown farmers market - Fridays(?), good to go for lunch. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PlanBey - Treat yourself, and everyone you know, very good prints & graphic novels as well as handmade food gifts. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Corniche - 10/10 would sea again. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jbeil - Beautiful, sea, castles, good sea food. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Breakfast Barn - if you are the sort of person who likes oat milk and chia seed pudding, which I am. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Makan - different cuisine every week, sit in the adorable courtyard.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mezyan - good Lebanese food. </span></div>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Onno - good Armenian food.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Obviously the sea is in there because we all know how life-changing I consider by the water to be. In my opinion you should always travel with people who want to make the effort to watch the sunset over a body of water because it will 100% be wonderful and make for a top Instagram photo. Beirut is not centred around its waterfront in the same way a lot of other places are but a walk along the corniche is a perfect pre-dinner activity. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Food-wise there are of course a number of Lebanese restaurants and the food across Lebanon is absolutely excellent. There are also so many cool cafes and restaurants with everything you could possibly crave, I’ve eaten sushi, a classic avocado on toast and a thousand coffees. I would of course recommend you had cuisine native to the region during your trip but if you want good food then Beirut can deliver on all fronts. Also, as very little of this is readily available in Amman without me bankrupting myself, I took the opportunity to exercise my #basic tendencies. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5iOVY6cW0VtW4CyXAwCVppoIt4X69iQ9sJ-tN2q-a-9Puzn6Qr-sDHy3DtDa-ha_ux5PQlu9sJ_kx4flbG10rMxWA-K7C3XYErusr4_6v2Via_chXnayHh-78sQwWRN9odMV-P1h0jHw/s1600/IMG_2241.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5iOVY6cW0VtW4CyXAwCVppoIt4X69iQ9sJ-tN2q-a-9Puzn6Qr-sDHy3DtDa-ha_ux5PQlu9sJ_kx4flbG10rMxWA-K7C3XYErusr4_6v2Via_chXnayHh-78sQwWRN9odMV-P1h0jHw/s320/IMG_2241.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lebanon is beautiful and wonderful and I adore it but it wouldn’t be fair to say any of that without giving a voice to the people I met, and know, who actually live there. A lot of Lebanese people are less enamoured with their country, the political instability, daily power outages and the influence of big business taking over buildings damaged by the civil war. Wandering into an art gallery we talked to the owner about the culture of Beirut, which feels so cosmopolitan and very genuine with it, only to be told that actually most people are all too aware Beirut has ‘copied’ capital cities from around the world. Buildings are being redeveloped to mirror the skyscrapers of London and Dubai and with it, Beirut is losing its classic architecture both Arab and European. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For sure, Lebanon is a country still finding its way and Beirut a city discovering how it can exist with all its multiple influences and communities harmoniously. I could not recommend it more highly, especially given that travelling options in the region are so limited and given that Lebanon is, comparatively to Jordan or Egypt, a much simpler excursion in many ways, for a first time traveller in the Middle East. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLZXWJJbpDH9Tu-gkCRyT_duXJJTzZpzXQdUGYLx52zj5jvD213G-jP_w_PN6i0nPsp_h8JoBlgqwnHQ1KTQLTfkjfHhUqiTJGllMiyNjimiBH1YpFSSknnidXORluEHSIOPz4yGGVr4c/s1600/IMG_2574.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1289" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLZXWJJbpDH9Tu-gkCRyT_duXJJTzZpzXQdUGYLx52zj5jvD213G-jP_w_PN6i0nPsp_h8JoBlgqwnHQ1KTQLTfkjfHhUqiTJGllMiyNjimiBH1YpFSSknnidXORluEHSIOPz4yGGVr4c/s320/IMG_2574.JPG" width="257" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqEUeWoglduvy49hxHpj98bWbHXKkPyORyU6NGOU1TMqOgykJOPNcxYsdNmevHvNxgu-NXKGJ678EGC6M1qXRcXcCH_Fk7_ePEua9ineWl-UfTZsmgQf6tx5mekcraz7wCMfrKj6X0FKA/s1600/IMG_2485.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqEUeWoglduvy49hxHpj98bWbHXKkPyORyU6NGOU1TMqOgykJOPNcxYsdNmevHvNxgu-NXKGJ678EGC6M1qXRcXcCH_Fk7_ePEua9ineWl-UfTZsmgQf6tx5mekcraz7wCMfrKj6X0FKA/s320/IMG_2485.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Personally, they were both absolutely perfect weekends, and I have completely fallen in love with Beirut. They were also much needed breaks where I travelled without my laptop, without doing any work, with hardly any access to wifi. I was reminded a lot of being in Paris, not just because of the French, but because of the way those weekends in Lebanon made me feel, the way a proper weekend break can make me feel like the things I’m worrying about aren’t big as I’m convinced they are. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So once again I’m calling on that post-weekend-in-Paris feeling where I realise how how many cool things I get to do, that maybe despite everything I actually choose this for myself. Even though, come December, I’m going to be offering up my soul in exchange for sitting in my parents house watching Christmas-themed daytime TV and being drenched to the bone by what is affectionately known as ‘British-summer just a bit more consistently cold’. Everyone has told me I should do at least one Christmas abroad so I guess this is the first one, and hopefully, the only one. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>clairegillesp</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - it will never not be Lebanon-based content.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>@clairegillesp</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - more tales of being taken for a ride by my dentist and Conservative Party Conference hilarity. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m listening to the podcast</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b> Dissect</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Season 1, which goes song-by-song through Kendrick Lamar’s </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>To Pimp A Butterfly</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and is a great analysis lyrically and technically. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline;">And finally, a public service announcement: </span><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">people who do not make you feel good about yourself do not deserve to see what you’re doing, babe, just block them. </span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-47113365470932378442017-09-30T02:42:00.000-07:002017-09-30T02:42:04.855-07:00The Wrong Dentist <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes things happen here and I just think ‘yes, this is peak life abroad’. The thing about being British is that we love rules and regulations and a set course of action. I’ve never known a people better suited to following recipes and flat-pack instructions, no country has produced a population more ready to fill in forms, than Britain. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-da6e01df-d225-ba90-0b2c-0e58a35bbf26" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The most embarrassing part of my life in any place that is not the UK is that I cannot get rid of this particular personality trait. I love a 5-stage process, I couldn’t be happier than when presented with a numbered list. Doing life admin tasks in a place with a system I am unfamiliar with is bound to be stressful, and in the case of going to the dentist, I was not wrong.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The main jist of this story is that two dentists tried to rip me off, one without even having an x-ray machine to assess my teeth with. I accidentally walked into a second one and even they tried to tell me my insurance wouldn’t cover the treatment I wasn’t having with them during an appointment I hadn’t booked. I am of course incredibly lucky to be provided with health insurance (although this experience means that I maintain that insurance systems are total bullshit), and I do have a wonderful dentist now who allows me to have my treatment in convenient slots. Doing the treatment in tiny increments is obviously much more convenient for me as it allows me to arrange them around work and take recovery time, I am under no false pretenses though, I am pretty sure the real motivation for this is so they can claim maximum insurance repayments. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd0GhdEuMW-zkqxDZ4A0rv_b8N6TWuuQnLh8Aeq97qM3R_ztdgXqL-4UQOtC-PuEfoDQenkKZvyeSZl5ReRG0gOC467_-N0H6piVRaEoIciztbSD1hSSWw3Q7sGB1_xVMjPAD1JJqPYZ4/s1600/IMG_2543.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1315" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd0GhdEuMW-zkqxDZ4A0rv_b8N6TWuuQnLh8Aeq97qM3R_ztdgXqL-4UQOtC-PuEfoDQenkKZvyeSZl5ReRG0gOC467_-N0H6piVRaEoIciztbSD1hSSWw3Q7sGB1_xVMjPAD1JJqPYZ4/s320/IMG_2543.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Other updates include the fact that I have very noticeably been spending a lot of time in Lebanon. As predicted by numerous friends I have completely fallen in love and Beirut has planted itself on the list of places I would happily live in the near future, so watch this space but for now it’s no more travelling until I make the journey home in November. As discussed in previous weeks, I’m a bit lost for purpose right now but doing things like taking spontaneous trips to Lebanon make being far from home a little bit more intentional. It also reminds me, along with the friends who message to say they’ve been following my trips on Instagram and they look incredible (which they are), to be a little happier and more excited about the things I get to do during my time here.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Although I believe honesty is important, and I never want to pretend my life is perfect, I also have had a real word with myself lately about not talking my life down because really, it is pretty good. Every time I explore somewhere I love I learn more about myself and the things I want from my life and the place I live. I get to hone my tastes a little more and meet so many people, taste so much food and see so many beautiful places and things. I recently told my friends I needed to ‘dial down the life crisis’ and to be honest, yes, precisely that, a little less life crisis and little more just, life. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With that in mind, things around here are going to change. Which they obviously already have because for the third week in a row we are weekly which is both exciting and also much overdue. I want to talk more about politics because anyone who knows me knows that is an enormous part of my life and it seems pointless to keep it off this space, especially because it’s what I write about the most outside of this context. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilujEu6tApUun2dkb5yeoM6f4XkZ7bnEHYRk9hbqyicoWacQ7I26me09szHeS7KzFUj3lw2uMjPDuiLOOmsSUiso0FZ1sMWwunfqaQHiD32uIGvoK0kOrFOW2h5qmhE0R7CfGdmpBVWSU/s1600/IMG_2565.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilujEu6tApUun2dkb5yeoM6f4XkZ7bnEHYRk9hbqyicoWacQ7I26me09szHeS7KzFUj3lw2uMjPDuiLOOmsSUiso0FZ1sMWwunfqaQHiD32uIGvoK0kOrFOW2h5qmhE0R7CfGdmpBVWSU/s320/IMG_2565.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week of this year is seven years since I went to university, which you might expect me to declare unbelieveable but actually it’s totally believable, I would say it feels approximately seven years ago. I will probably write something about being a student next week (ideas box open) because I remember that time of my life as being distinctly average but I want it to be better just because the years that followed were both better and SO MUCH WORSE. I want to find a way to talk about money and career things without making myself unemployable/having to change my name when I go looking for jobs. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Overall, September was just such a weird month because I was away for so much of it, it’s meant to be the start of autumn but actually it’s only just become cool enough here to wear a jacket at night. I didn’t go to yoga and my back and shoulders didn’t thank me for it, I ate more dairy than I should and my skin didn’t thank me for it. The positives of this though are: 1) yoga is worth the money to stop me crippling myself in my sleep, 2) the water here was never to blame for my hair and skin woes, it was just the dairy! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will be using October as my fresh start.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve still never had a pumpkin spice latte, maybe this year will be the very basic year. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - solid Lebanese content all round.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - solid leftwing content and shit jokes all round. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m listening to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The School for Dumb Women</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, the last episode made me laugh out loud in public so if that doesn’t recommend it, nothing will. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-11871359206968028922017-09-21T00:39:00.002-07:002017-10-03T11:55:42.411-07:00Quarter-Life Prizes<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Someone once told me that women stopped going through puberty at 25. Great, I thought, from 25 it’s all plain sailing then. What I didn’t quite realise until I saw an article claiming your body starts to die at 25, is that that was what the first person had really meant. Not such a cause for celebration after all, then. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="121" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/3MrTgcGv3EoYTzGFYCmKIfWZT1qhDtE-Bg_I2zOmPrGzFjgrFbTrS4_6sgZwUPlo-7cjdx2Oq_igHe1REw5PpxtiaX4MwDL9Ff8wK9uIAvuRCd-ra8K0_RV9JVmK724hlc1OZ6IL" style="border: none; transform: rotate(0rad);" width="624" /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If there was a theme for millennials it would be talking about how old we are. I’m simultaneously delighted by the things I don’t have to do now I’m older and terrified by the speed at which months seem to pass. Where is September? How are we in the 20’s already? How am I in my mid-twenties? Disastrous. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here’s the thing though, getting older is really excellent. Like, really actually wonderful. I love having more control over how I spend my time, I love having more confidence in my own opinions and my feelings and ‘I’m 25 I don’t have time for this/have to deal with this/just don’t care’ has such a great ring to it. 26 will sound even better, I’m sure. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These posts are cliche but here we are anyway, all the stuff I’ve learnt from my 25 years: </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I just cannot wear eyeliner. Yes I have tried that brand, no I will not sell a kidney to use that brand, I have hooded eyelids and some people's eyes are just not meant to be well-defined. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Find your people. Stick with them. No matter how hard I try I cannot get everyone to like me (and God knows, I have tried). You will find your people - and not find them - in the strangest of places. Don’t question it, just get their number and hold onto them. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You just have less time for people who will not find time for you. Mostly this is just because I have less time full stop. Friends who do have time for me will find an almost dictatorial schedule that they have to fit into. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Jokes aside, I’m now almost certain that you’re not fooling anyone as well as you think. So you better just act like the person you want people to think you are. You are not a religion and you cannot ask people to have faith in things they cannot see. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Be wary of people who only bring up anecdotes that make you look bad. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am only ever going to wear high-wasted jeans/skirts/trousers - me and my gangly legs are happy this way and no, I do not wish to appear in proportion. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Laughing in the faces of people who have tried to insult you is the best of only bad options. Working in customer service taught me this, once someone has told you that you’ve ruined their Christmas, the only way to go is up. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s not a myth, you really don’t give a shit anymore. I’ve heard you really stop caring in your thirties which doesn’t bode well because I’ve already been known to get up and leave a table to avoid unwanted interactions. There is a story to this but honestly it doesn’t get any better with context. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With that in mind, forgiveness is not a bad quality, you do not have to be a bad-ass bitch who cuts people out at a moment’s notice. I’ve had so many wonderful relationships repaired this year and I’m so grateful I wasn’t hasty with my words when the problem emerged.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6WujnV9vaDkp0drH2lrjVkSA4qrt7HjKEFczJrwnxmKfXeB6E-cGcMRV46m3Kduvjx-f-ypsZDwU4TJokTbNGZb5hombgjBL-oKhAHgTMKRzBXjKR4jTZxy2-b-m_vLi8nuI3z3jDid4/s1600/IMG_1143.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="535" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6WujnV9vaDkp0drH2lrjVkSA4qrt7HjKEFczJrwnxmKfXeB6E-cGcMRV46m3Kduvjx-f-ypsZDwU4TJokTbNGZb5hombgjBL-oKhAHgTMKRzBXjKR4jTZxy2-b-m_vLi8nuI3z3jDid4/s320/IMG_1143.JPG" width="236" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8XyUoO2nhSs6VZibb6fR96-xFSfSPeimoNtJC5Wvu0VQUt7Ibtg8lTFHwaGwQsQXXKX6Ig6bTCMgn8Gv-2hyphenhyphen_cz6dbyB1Q0GWiJ1PNQaRfRXh7wgozFtzrUPRNtLtgTR2uG3I1lPJ7bQ/s1600/IMG_1152.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8XyUoO2nhSs6VZibb6fR96-xFSfSPeimoNtJC5Wvu0VQUt7Ibtg8lTFHwaGwQsQXXKX6Ig6bTCMgn8Gv-2hyphenhyphen_cz6dbyB1Q0GWiJ1PNQaRfRXh7wgozFtzrUPRNtLtgTR2uG3I1lPJ7bQ/s320/IMG_1152.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That being said I could probably do with a little more haste when people have demonstrated they are not going to do any repairing. </span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Trying, and I mean really trying, is not a weakness. You do not have to pretend you do not care about having people in your life, it will not help. You've just got to make sure you try with the right people, like, the people who actually show they care about you, not the people you wish would. </span></span></li>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">As demonstrated, I cannot successfully wear pink as I will just become the human embodiment of pink. </span></span></li>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You do not have to be on a constant self-improvement drive, you do not have to clear out your life and start all over again. You’re probably completely fine as you are, and you are never going to be perfect so you pretty much just have to pick your flaws and own them at this stage. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There really are no prizes for pretending you don’t enjoy things. I don’t know when it got so normal to be all ‘I wish I could not go to this event and stay home instead’ but please feel free to invite me to all of the things and I will definitely have an excellent time. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Equally with other people, other people are the literal light of my life and I will not pretend any other. </span></div>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Going to the dentist/doctor/optician is annoying and inconvenient but you will get the sense of satisfaction of having your life together and taking care of yourself afterwards. So just make the appointment for the love of God. </span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They say you get more conservative as you get older but I’m only get further from being any sort of #girlboss CEO with my near daily tweets about how our country needs a left-wing government.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - it’s literally just dentistry and socialism at the moment.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am on Instagram -</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where my profile says world-traveller but my saved collections says I just want a dachshund. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can also look forward to more (!) Lebanon-based content on both of those platforms - which I’ll explain next week, maybe. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week I've been watching The Expanse - it's about space and also politics so basically I love it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-66293064692099215592017-09-12T02:27:00.004-07:002017-09-12T02:27:40.104-07:00Don't Talk About It<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve sat in front of this Google doc countless times over the last few weeks, motivation levels have been low to say the least and I’ve written at least 700 words now that will never see the light of day. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-d904017b-7562-4612-3364-194902225a95" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It started as some thoughts about the fact a friend of mine had told me that sometimes it was best not to talk about your future plans because ‘you never know the intentions people have for you’. It is solid advice and I want to be better at it because I’m an endless oversharer and that’s fine except for the bits of my life I really could be flattened by someone’s opinion on. I will not be passive aggressive but I will say this: your twenties are hard and not everyone finds it as easy to be on your team as you (or they) might hope. People have their own version of you and it is sometimes a nasty surprise to find that it may not fit a life in which you are happy and successful. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have, I hope at least, started to identify who I should be having those conversations with and who will just leave me feeling like I’ve just told them I’m going to donate my money to a charity which protects grey squirrels. The problem was partially how they made me feel, but also the things I thought they wanted to hear, which meant I was conveying that information hoping they would approve. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If they don’t want the things I want does that mean I’m wrong? Maybe everyone else does know better, and yet we are not the same people and I continue to make choices based only on what I want. I said I was coming here to do something and if it doesn’t work, and I come home, and I do something else then I’ll have to tell everyone why. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The problem with not talking about what you’re doing is that you would basically have to avoid human contact because everyone will ask what you’re doing. Out of genuine interest largely, and not because they’re trying to establish some sort of ranking of your success. I have no desire to maintain a level of mystery about my life but I do have a desire to not wrap myself in knots trying to pretend I have a master plan for my life.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The truth is I just don’t know. I just don’t know what I’m going to do or what I want. I don’t know where I’ll be in six months time and I don’t find any of this especially exciting as much as it feels like a lot of decisions I’d rather not make. I should find this exciting because it is exciting, but I don’t always. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I joke about falling into things but in reality so little of this is an accident and if I wanted certain things I know exactly how I’d go about getting them. Would it be so awful to just give myself a break and admit I might be kind of content with how things are? I mean I just spent a long weekend in Beirut and worked on a project I care about and now I get to live here and learn Arabic. I don’t know what makes a good life, but I feel okay about mine. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimWiTs8JD5G8Lzo0I3P0Wb9oL4dY138n8s036Is0I58vBT6DWSTdF_i0JeNxiyw9SJhO5k2QiE03bh1hD86SVTMUopl2gv_qSxhF5kDn1z-P4kcH8ZQ5uNmDapco1iYqs8d6GrOZfbq7Y/s1600/IMG_2379.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="1080" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimWiTs8JD5G8Lzo0I3P0Wb9oL4dY138n8s036Is0I58vBT6DWSTdF_i0JeNxiyw9SJhO5k2QiE03bh1hD86SVTMUopl2gv_qSxhF5kDn1z-P4kcH8ZQ5uNmDapco1iYqs8d6GrOZfbq7Y/s400/IMG_2379.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What I do know is what I think is important and I know it’s never been my day job. I have some things I’d like to do eventually, and I’m hoping I always make time to work towards them. I know I want to be better and giving these things space to actually take place. I know I want to think of my current situation as more of an opportunity to do more of what I want than a failure to have success in the way I thought of it. I know I rarely feel like that. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that none of this would mean anything without the actual relationships I have with the actual human people who make up my life. It isn’t very #girlboss to say, but I really hope there is never a time where the people in my life don’t get to have a good portion of my time, they are what makes me really and truly happy after all. Typing is wonderful way to spend your time but I categorically do not make myself laugh with the frequency my friends do - or ever, actually. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In other news, I have working shutters in my room which is exciting news for absolutely no one apart from a) people who want to hear me stop complaining about it, b) people who care about the impact of natural light on general health and well-being. True to form this problem has been replaced by the slightly more concerning one of discovering a series of rusted screws littered around my room, so that natural light will no doubt be put to good use identifying if I have tetanus in my foot. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spellings of my name have taken a turn for the worse (see below). As a result of this continued confusion I have told my dentist my name is Clara which is less difficult on the phone but then I received a text from them saying ‘Hello Flora’. Time will tell how problematic it is to try and claim treatment when it looks like you’ve stolen someone else’s health insurance documents. Bad news for the oncoming tetanus. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijWydZOw2Uic6yM-MgNakUp1No5dWxIUZJNQOjLHy7Ke_p9VJPdBojLQFsAfVOKAo08ROWEHzGG5ND6KJ_E4gKGDEAnTzqRpCS6g2Ct8MWvQj5RaV_sFocgOeulqek5lK2gCDZKrrgeW8/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1334" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijWydZOw2Uic6yM-MgNakUp1No5dWxIUZJNQOjLHy7Ke_p9VJPdBojLQFsAfVOKAo08ROWEHzGG5ND6KJ_E4gKGDEAnTzqRpCS6g2Ct8MWvQj5RaV_sFocgOeulqek5lK2gCDZKrrgeW8/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also just to address the big reveal of this piece, yes, I do write everything in Google Docs and then just copy and paste it onto this platform. It’s the only way I found to make sure everything is formatted correctly but it is also the reason every week we’re using a different font and text size. I could claim it keeps the writing fresh but it’s actually just that I don’t go back and check until weeks later and by then it’s too late and many people just have struggled through the sometimes minuscule font (thank you). I can be a bastion of professionalism but this is so not the place for it, pals. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - which is photos of my trip to Lebanon from now until the foreseeable future. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter -</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> <a href="https://twitter.com/ClaireGillesp" target="_blank">@clairegillesp</a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where I am seemingly constantly mad about something. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week I’ve been listening to </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Corrine Bailey Rae</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> because she’s from where I’m from and I miss home and if you don’t think Put Your Records On is a fab tune then please tell me what it’s like to be that wrong. I was inspired to revisit it by </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://noisey.vice.com/en_uk/article/599ve8/toploaders-dancing-in-the-moonlight-saved-my-life-sort-of" target="_blank">this piece</a></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> on Dancing in the Moonlight which recently came on in a bar I was in and changed my life for 3 minutes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-348152038858907852017-08-05T08:00:00.003-07:002017-08-05T08:00:37.788-07:00One Weekend in Amman<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I pass the time in Athens the way I always do, wondering if they play this horrible elevator music in every airport and maybe I only notice on layovers, and cursing the fact that the largest airport in Greece still manages to only consist of two corridors and one coffee shop. The journey has gone as smoothly as it ever can, despite having to negotiate the issue of when I’m leaving Jordan (which of course, I’m not), and could I please present my outbound ticket. The answer this time luckily is that I’m going to Beirut in three weeks but I still can’t help but roll my eyes – living in Jordan without residency is a pretty straightforward set of circumstances, but getting on the plane continues to be an adventure every single time.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a cracking sunset from Athens airport though, silver linings being a very important part of days where I’ve been awake since 6am.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The default question before I go away is always ‘are you nervous’, truth be told this is the easy one, nothing to be nervous about. I get to be reunited with all my friends, go back to my office, and do plenty else besides. Amman is not an easy place to live, but we have worked a working arrangement in which unburden myself to friends who do not live here and continue to give it my all no matter how exhausting I find it. I will not pretend that the next few days will not be a lot of remembering how to navigate everything from the journey to work to how to top up my phone but we will get there.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, the nerves are replaced by a feeling that I’m ripping myself away from home </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">again</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Short visits are deceptive because they allow you to forget the reasons you booked the flight in the first place. I hope I can trust the person who decided to do all this because she had been home for a while, waiting and checking her emails, and I think she was right that she couldn’t sit there forever. Right now though, I hate leaving more than anything. I could be comforted I suppose by the fact that I feel like this no matter how long I’ve been home, whether it’s been six months or ten days. Very lucky I am too, to have something so difficult to leave.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This sadness isn’t helped of course, by the fact that there is something very uniquely depressing about travelling through the night and in fact, by the time I arrive, the early hours of the morning. I think it’s because I’m so aware of what I would be doing instead, and that when I get to Amman the city will be asleep and I won’t see or speak to anyone I know until the next day. Also, my blood sugar levels are low and anyone who knows me will know that not having eaten is the number one cause of emotional distress in my life.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Closely followed by Microsoft Word’s obsession with trying to make my writing more ‘concise’ with its brown dotted lines which I do not remember asking for and is not something I have any desire to do. If I wanted to be concise I just wouldn’t write these 700 word pieces every week now would I? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘You didn’t tell anyone you were coming, did you?’</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Okay so yes, I did kind of forget in the madness of the last few months and I did just show up at my desk on Thursday morning (switching the lights and the AC off as I went). </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And yes, my colleague did have to greet me for the first in in eight months by yelling ‘do you need any help?’ when he found me scrambling around under my desk to find an extension lead. I did pour water through a plastic cup and onto my feet. I’ll tell you something though, these things are a damn sight more enjoyable when they happen and I’m in an office full of people, than sat at my desk in my house on my own. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpuTjlqN5wk2CILSR9C31hAzkenPJ7CMdnEJdUO0gHaS_Mp5aajp6Lnxoh9kW7W-RW3GJungXymW1G0v6ARNGVPY5kFH5h-JYolxV5Y7vNF7p4FYXxOqcm95zoMzKCokn-sBoqzmLvCRM/s1600/IMG_2001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1199" data-original-width="1600" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpuTjlqN5wk2CILSR9C31hAzkenPJ7CMdnEJdUO0gHaS_Mp5aajp6Lnxoh9kW7W-RW3GJungXymW1G0v6ARNGVPY5kFH5h-JYolxV5Y7vNF7p4FYXxOqcm95zoMzKCokn-sBoqzmLvCRM/s320/IMG_2001.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It took the weekend to remember why I love being here, why sitting around in cafes eating and drinking tea all weekend is my favourite thing to do. How much Amman can give you if you just look for it and plan accordingly. How lucky I am to have such good friends here and how much I actually kinda dig the heat. There I said it, I don’t live in exclusively hot places by accident - it’s all intentional, kids. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So basically, don’t worry, I’m fine, work is going fine (intense though it appears it will be). I’m busy and planning lots of trips and events and generally being a nightmare to myself by leaving myself no time to do all the other things I need to do. But if that’s what I need to feel at home - then go figure I guess? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>clairegillesp</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - be prepared for the desert landscapes that are yet to come.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>@clairegillesp</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - probably complaining about the patriarchy, so business as usual I guess. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m obsessed with </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Sorry Not Sorry</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> by Demi Lovato and </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Prayin</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">’ by Kesha - working well in my now well-known favourite genre of music of women who do not need you shit. </span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-45754442135005216942017-07-25T13:54:00.002-07:002017-07-25T13:54:12.840-07:00It's All (Five and a Half Weeks of) Greek to Me<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I’m not sure why I didn’t make this joke sooner and I don’t know why no one told me about the enormous opportunity I nearly missed. Appropriate as well because it literally is all Greek to me, six weeks later and I understand NOTHING. Someone made a joke about something being spelled with Pi and all I have to say is I’m sorry but this isn’t Year 10 maths and I have no point of reference for you anymore. </span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-9f7e7c25-7b7f-25ea-231d-fa93a32bdceb" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Enough of that, no more Greek for me. Instead, some thank yous - thank you first to the coffee shop down my street whose staff remember my order every time I go in, I’ve never had that before and it’s actually lovely. Thank you to the staff in my local supermarket who recently let me get away with being 3 cents short. Thank you to my Airbnb host for being a persistent babe and letting me turn our kitchen into an office space for 8 hours of the day. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thank you mainly though, to everyone I volunteer with - for laughing at my shit jokes, not laughing at my shit tan lines, and letting me harass you about bug repellent even though we’re not sure it works and it’s too late because we’ve all been eaten alive by now anyway. You’re all angels, not just because of the work you do here (of which I am constantly in awe), but also because you can still dig deep enough to be smiling, and kind, and wonderful, even in 40 degree heat when we’re all exhausted and we might well never be able to face another garlic clove again. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS4P8Kfde4-mCRIkM4LVbMg2_2FdMndZygbfJYMiPPSzxDtKs1mjNOwGw9OHGcJuU5ANXtrBghdq7SECbtFduYLHlY4dfkXleORX1r16B0elJEygHuTZr8r_LH-n9hQ3yKkaaln7UuzIM/s1600/IMG_1898.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS4P8Kfde4-mCRIkM4LVbMg2_2FdMndZygbfJYMiPPSzxDtKs1mjNOwGw9OHGcJuU5ANXtrBghdq7SECbtFduYLHlY4dfkXleORX1r16B0elJEygHuTZr8r_LH-n9hQ3yKkaaln7UuzIM/s320/IMG_1898.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I hear there are people who live here and don’t spend all their spare time by the sea but that sounds unlikely to me. Where else would I read and drink coffee if not by the water? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">People who read this blog last year will remember that when someone left Jordan we asked them three questions - Best Moment/Worst Moment/What Have You Learned About Yourself? I have very much enjoyed this concept and therefore, forced it upon lots of people I meet.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: italic; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Best Moment </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">There are so many. So many that I won’t share because they involve other people and they’re distinctly private. Many more that were rewarding but I couldn’t pick one in particular. So the best moment was probably the series of moments when I was prompted to think about what I want to do with this experience and everything I’ve taken from it. Good and bad, it’s only made me more certain in how I feel about NGO and aid work and all the complexities that come with it. I have learnt so much and seen so much, and that has been invaluable in shaping how I’ll go forward. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Best individual moment has to be the meal we had on Monday night - the best meal I had in the whole six weeks by a long way. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU9gpIfSnVpAfwD9HTUoSFrReeejSUC0YYcxcagq9obw4z-NYlZy0xzhhUY9Oa9YXGbBUizPfT9V8LxgC36arwxwZkKr_q6R2QFJIdWcP2nm4KThUOganTjf1TZ7e_xIGXSydXlfutW7k/s1600/IMG_1880.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU9gpIfSnVpAfwD9HTUoSFrReeejSUC0YYcxcagq9obw4z-NYlZy0xzhhUY9Oa9YXGbBUizPfT9V8LxgC36arwxwZkKr_q6R2QFJIdWcP2nm4KThUOganTjf1TZ7e_xIGXSydXlfutW7k/s320/IMG_1880.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: italic; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Worst Moment </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The day it rained has to be worst individual moment number one. Mainly because I didn’t anticipate this would also mean it would be cold, and was therefore, not dressed appropriately and completely miserable as a result. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This blog is not, and never will be, a place for me to write about how awful the conditions for refugees are. This work is my career, and as a result I have committed to not speaking about it on here or any other social media platform. The many frustrations I have are too complex to explain here and it would be impossible to go into them without it seeming like I’m attacking one group or aspect of the crisis. What I will say is this - we should not be afraid to ask for change just because we believe something is already objectively ‘good’. Things can always be better. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLgWhVbTMzFDRynGHmu5XE5O612MtU3w8AFJtU2SZY5gftzBrVFArnDxl50I_sLpesz9p57walVr7_k8QxqKpqDDiEfSVnt_Mx2xglfwbi55ghoi_t52n3dAAFus2O-ZP2S-jLVkOCz7g/s1600/IMG_1928.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLgWhVbTMzFDRynGHmu5XE5O612MtU3w8AFJtU2SZY5gftzBrVFArnDxl50I_sLpesz9p57walVr7_k8QxqKpqDDiEfSVnt_Mx2xglfwbi55ghoi_t52n3dAAFus2O-ZP2S-jLVkOCz7g/s320/IMG_1928.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe six weeks isn’t long enough to learn anything about yourself. I did find out I’m physically stronger than my weedy arms would suggest. That it is possible for my legs to tan, that you can trust people you’ve only known for a few days (and sometimes they might see you more clearly than people you’ve known for years - or at least be more willing to tell you). That I can be hot and tired and therefore, largely without the energy to filter myself, and still have people want to be around me. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Mainly I suppose, as a result of one situation or another, that it’s okay to say ‘this is a flaw I have and it’s part of who I am and I don’t care badly enough to change’ - because if not that, then something else right? Perfection isn’t coming so why not learn to live with the flaws you’ve got? And, as long as they’re not complete life-ruiners - who really cares? I used to say I was a people-pleaser in a similar way I used to say I was vegetarian, in that, in an ideal world I would be but in reality I am roundly terrible at it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*****</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I’m on Twitter - @clairegillesp - where I’m effusing about a podcast made by someone I was lucky enough to go to university with, it’s called Connected & Disaffected and it’s so well-produced it makes me eager to create more of my own quality content. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I’m on Instagram - clairegillesp - where Greece photos have finally come to an end, soon to be replaced by miles of square apartment blocks and desert landscapes in the coming weeks. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I’m still listening to the Haim album - Found it in Silece and You Never Knew are on rotation right now - friends will be unsurprised to hear they are both about the foolishness of men who do not appreciate you, which is my favourite genre of song. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">There is a Facebook page for this blog which it would be lovely if you like and followed and also means you don’t have to rely on me remembering to share these posts on my personal accounts. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-46897862625608005802017-07-12T01:54:00.000-07:002017-07-12T05:34:45.498-07:00Weeks the Third and Fourth <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Working title: I’m Pretty Sure it’s Fine, I’m Only Allergic to Cow’s Milk. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2bc4a77b-35d0-0b40-8c8d-adf334b2e6c5" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What isn’t fine is the state of my legs, which are currently giving me a pretty good insight into what having the bubonic plague might look like. Of course everyone gets bitten here but only my bites seem to be in rings around my ankles and wrists and exist in the form of lumps that stay there for days. Any longer here and children will probably start making up rhymes about me and holy men will start waving bags of herbs in front of my house. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m also looking for somewhere to get a massage since I managed to hurt some part of my lower back during this week - and considering my activities have largely been ‘going to museums’ and ‘eating’ that’s pretty impressive. A very big thank you to my volunteering fam for being so understanding when I abandoned lunch and chill activities to go and lay down and take pain killers. Thank you for understanding that although I live to peel and chop vegetables, onions render me so blind that I become a health and safety risk with a knife in hand if I’m anywhere near them. Thank you to them for a lot to be honest, the past couple of weeks have been my favourite so far.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It hasn’t all been physical ailments though - I also took a very unsuccessful walk to find what I thought would be a tiny but lovely church with an incredible view over the city, but actually turned out to be a motorway bypass and the sort of scene you’d get at the start of a true crime documentary. I was also chased by some dogs. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also had some very good friends to visit, which was wonderful because it gave me the chance to speak to people who know me so well, and who I will be very excited to go back to when I leave here. People here are wonderful but they also very selfishly leave and go back to their lives and there's something really relaxing and affirming about being with people who form part of my base. We laughed a lot, and talked a lot, and went to a very strictly-run Byzantine museum. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmkZ3yXYcDbzEaN_BZmL7sjbRFB8O-LBtBmmhqKKdKmPq3uEt3VF866gAqjE_5SlvrgouUe6MnoiXvqjheEbSQAs773dbqbZrRzBJGG5AcgCHpVbz_jzBVQ4_ylSxpu3_zAgG_R6bkkYY/s1600/IMG_1696.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmkZ3yXYcDbzEaN_BZmL7sjbRFB8O-LBtBmmhqKKdKmPq3uEt3VF866gAqjE_5SlvrgouUe6MnoiXvqjheEbSQAs773dbqbZrRzBJGG5AcgCHpVbz_jzBVQ4_ylSxpu3_zAgG_R6bkkYY/s320/IMG_1696.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dogs, Danger & Disappointment</td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br />The past two weeks have also been a lot of change, personally a lot has happened and I think the majority of it has been good, or at least I think it will be the starting of something good. More than anything it’s been affirming in my belief both that time is a great remedy, and that second-chances are what make the world go round. </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-2bc4a77b-36be-e109-2af5-111aaeda49be"><br /></span>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think a lot about (a lot of things Claire, cuz you say this every week) the concept of being a ‘badass bitch’ and the way it’s been sold to millennial women. I wonder how many of us hang on to stupid fights with people we care about because we think that’s a demonstration of strength. I wonder how far we’re willing to take the concept of ‘cutting people out’ before we’ve forgotten that we’re not the centre of the universe and that maybe the other person isn’t always the problem. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve reconnected with four people I’d all but lost in the last three weeks. FOUR. That’s more than I see at any social event I organise, that’s enough to have formed a society and fill most of the key positions. Sometimes I was brave and sometimes they were and mostly I think it’s a bit of both, I don’t know what it is about this time frame that has led to this - maybe we’re all too old to care about it anymore - but old enough to care about each other. There was no fanfare, no one ran through an airport, we just very gently reintroduced ourselves to each other, and guess what? No one was angry, not in the slightest, because you can’t hold on to bitterness unless you feed it and I certainly haven’t been doing that, looks like they haven’t either.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We could have, we could have spent the months and years talking shit about each other to anyone who would listen. Maybe we did that for a while but it becomes so boring so fast, and the more airtime it gets the more I at least, began to wonder if maybe I wasn’t as free from culpability as my ego would like to think. It would probably make better content to talk about how you ‘don’t need that in your life’ and you should ‘never look back’, but what would be the point when that couldn’t be further from who I am? </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYX8RTUUwjdoCEWGF8l113HvhNY1phcOrIFjUDBU4KgmsGN_-uOIy64ad7gTJOta3l-ZcG49qebRWRptQg0LKcEelcuBNFkQ-0jKb_KgONLoKbAqyMxG_TB6WzW6-N-3asmae07JppXRU/s1600/IMG_1757.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYX8RTUUwjdoCEWGF8l113HvhNY1phcOrIFjUDBU4KgmsGN_-uOIy64ad7gTJOta3l-ZcG49qebRWRptQg0LKcEelcuBNFkQ-0jKb_KgONLoKbAqyMxG_TB6WzW6-N-3asmae07JppXRU/s320/IMG_1757.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - which continues to be photos of the sea and Roman ruins and people looking excited about vegetables. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where I’ve been talking about women and our definition of ‘ambition’ in a thread that feels like it might never end. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m listening to the new Lorde album - The Louvre, Liability and Hard Feelings especially - and the new Haim album - Want You Back in particular has been on repeat. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqbjzf4LPlHOMWudqCOHiVt_kM8GdNMbDFQO6tPPeYFCXr3m4BghWXEPg-DrXFa8-_tlkdAxvhxnoPOPxHf4gTun9irJ4v_LlOhmE6YntR_NAcql-XjB_1ovU0nGSteoMFdZlJ007irrc/s1600/IMG_1768.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="522" data-original-width="700" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqbjzf4LPlHOMWudqCOHiVt_kM8GdNMbDFQO6tPPeYFCXr3m4BghWXEPg-DrXFa8-_tlkdAxvhxnoPOPxHf4gTun9irJ4v_LlOhmE6YntR_NAcql-XjB_1ovU0nGSteoMFdZlJ007irrc/s320/IMG_1768.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So Much for the Tolerant Left</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-73683071329159727662017-06-28T11:09:00.004-07:002017-06-28T11:09:44.164-07:00Greek Week Two <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Week two is already over, which seems impossible because that means this is week three and that is halfway. Six weeks seemed like such an intimidating amount of time to spend somewhere when you know no one and have no sense of routine. Then just like that I’m already thinking about how I’ll feel when I leave and planning the next journey. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-bc6c1588-efe0-5832-4d3e-aea62bbd85ff" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That I’ve settled so easily I hope is a sign of finally finding a way of life that suits me, and meets my need to have time away from a desk that I hope I can maintain for the rest of my career. Here we are, writing weekly for the first time in a long time, so something must be working. Something must be working because I am being more productive than ever before but also I feel calmer than ever before, even though really, the future has never been more uncertain. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKTKlPnB9FMXrm5T6xjD31AGRjAqG5r5OCP6yAaDXppRIDZw7NzxBf6EWeCfxbQAqTz4PiIT0wKiVa_GXu3J7H8bYGM6ydQyycgz8Wf-hO3WqLbCjXqIgccn5c2AEOLpvXWhAN4ozCZQ8/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="985" data-original-width="1600" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKTKlPnB9FMXrm5T6xjD31AGRjAqG5r5OCP6yAaDXppRIDZw7NzxBf6EWeCfxbQAqTz4PiIT0wKiVa_GXu3J7H8bYGM6ydQyycgz8Wf-hO3WqLbCjXqIgccn5c2AEOLpvXWhAN4ozCZQ8/s320/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve also been very appreciative of everyone in my life who supported this move, and the next ones, because they know that none of this is exactly the path I had planned for myself. Even so they stick with me and seem to have complete faith in my success, which is something I cannot explain myself but I’ve long since stopped questioning why people think what they think of me. I will happily take it. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In more practical news I have found my own small supermarket in which prices seem to vary on the daily, and when I visit larger supermarkets some sort of argument about something always seems to be going on. I’ve spent as much time as possible on the waterfront and more time eating very good Greek food. I’ve had lots of good, meaningful conversations with the people I’m sharing this experience with - I’m blown away by how different and yet fundamentally similar we all are. I’m even more amazed that I get to spend so much time with people who are doing so much good, and I know will continue to do so whether it’s here or anywhere else. Lots more posts inspired by those conversations are on the way. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi8a4MKCgL175nR_vWpgOTDQCVIY2Aijr3U3Hd0e2TEP-3SbaZY8OFAaKY1P8y4PT4dIct-ovZUdr5iAvdK1kfkEsb84-lmbovaCB0xxLw_iF3-k5G76ffWZsP4oF96ipqCv5ZNw29nGM/s1600/IMG_1632.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi8a4MKCgL175nR_vWpgOTDQCVIY2Aijr3U3Hd0e2TEP-3SbaZY8OFAaKY1P8y4PT4dIct-ovZUdr5iAvdK1kfkEsb84-lmbovaCB0xxLw_iF3-k5G76ffWZsP4oF96ipqCv5ZNw29nGM/s200/IMG_1632.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s end with a corrections corner - the heat, it’s not as wonderful as I implied. We sleep with our doors open so the air con from the kitchen can cool our seemingly perpetually hot apartment down. It’s also worth noting that, in light of comparisons about surviving 30 degree heat back in the UK vs. anywhere else, not everyone in places where it is hot can afford to have or switch on air con. Nor does the public transport here does not universally have air con. Everyone is hot and everyone is sweating the only difference is that it is mostly expected. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is the point of this correction? Just to express that we should stop complaining about the heat when it lasts a pathetic two days, but also do something about global warming. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where I’m being regularly updated on Love Island despite never watching it or even really understanding who these people are. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - which includes no Love Island related content but who knows what the future will hold. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m listening to the new Lorde album because it’s pop music excellence. I’m also listening to a podcast called My Favorite Murder, which I have to recommend because I stole the concept of ‘corrections corner’ from them, but also because it’s very, very funny and good. </span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-74751415437687216112017-06-22T13:33:00.002-07:002017-06-22T13:33:44.173-07:00One Week in Greece <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t need to tell you how warm it is, I hear you’ve been having a very real and very humid heatwave back in the UK. You’re not making it up, even 25 degrees at home feels unbearable whereas 34 degrees here feels pretty wonderful. I’m convinced walking along the waterfront on a daily basis has increased my life expectancy by at least ten years. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeUPcPd0njaFhDzfNc-Db7PDju2BjSYFdrSczlpwiyXqGpYF5Rgxy5sNcnEwNdgtNoqEgY15Y-HhAbFP4vGDz7HQG1pcQuyC7WfuWoG4buB7sR2g_fKTwi8zkrOMMX9iPBHnlz0a_s3NY/s1600/IMG_1561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1336" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeUPcPd0njaFhDzfNc-Db7PDju2BjSYFdrSczlpwiyXqGpYF5Rgxy5sNcnEwNdgtNoqEgY15Y-HhAbFP4vGDz7HQG1pcQuyC7WfuWoG4buB7sR2g_fKTwi8zkrOMMX9iPBHnlz0a_s3NY/s320/IMG_1561.JPG" width="267" /></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m surprised by how instantly at home I’ve felt, I’ve only been here a week but everything feels so familiar and comfortable. Greece reminds me a lot of Jordan, in aesthetic and in feel, so maybe I’ve just found the way I should live; bathed in sunlight and surrounded by falafel. I’m also similarly surprised by how happy I was spending so much time on my own, especially because working from home at home drives me to the brink pretty much daily. Here though, the first few days before I met anyone, it was just me and the seafront and the one coffee chain I found that stocks soy milk. You could speculate that the only words I’ve learnt to say in Greek are ‘soy milk’, I could not possibly confirm. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve already met so many great people, been made to feel so welcome, and had the opportunity to do things I never thought I would do in such a short space of time. I’m happy, and excited and actually kinda proud - because I’ve worked hard, volunteering and language learning, for the past few years, and it really feels like I can see it in action. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now, because one week in who knows what the next month is going to bring, but I don’t think I’ll ever regret taking this decision. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEyBL0C_ZLYB6sAFLgQsFaEeX2CNnTfsk8CboYF60alXn9EJqmSzV5y-CJcbFKdlsRQC8fXxC4ogaWt00yiWVLxLzEXO7fbhV6aCF7rhWoQYfh4AVm-RiHlHQU4vnoYwzQGwOKSD3qQ1A/s1600/IMG_1600.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="649" data-original-width="720" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEyBL0C_ZLYB6sAFLgQsFaEeX2CNnTfsk8CboYF60alXn9EJqmSzV5y-CJcbFKdlsRQC8fXxC4ogaWt00yiWVLxLzEXO7fbhV6aCF7rhWoQYfh4AVm-RiHlHQU4vnoYwzQGwOKSD3qQ1A/s320/IMG_1600.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you were wondering then yes, everything is very much in Greek, and no, I do not understand any of it. I don’t anticipate learning to read anything in the next four weeks, because adding another alphabet into my arsenal just isn’t on the agenda right now. I want to have basic polite phrases down but I’m also relying on my favourite combination of lots of smiling, and some pointing. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thessaloniki is truly beautiful, I’m not here because it’s beautiful, but what a wonderful coincidence. It satisfies the need I was starting to feel to get out and explore somewhere new, because so much of what is here doesn’t take any hunting out. Everywhere I turn there seems to be another church or Roman ruin to discover. It’s already taken years to build the city metro because they keep finding a new layer of some civilisation or other which used to live here. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The plan for the next month is more Greek food, more sun, and hopefully finding time to get to a beach. </span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-5cd3d2b6-d06c-c665-53d2-55ebec797005"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Did I mention I love the sea? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://twitter.com/ClaireGillesp" target="_blank">@clairegillesp</a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where I can’t really use the new layout properly so I keep going to my DMs instead of my profile. It is less going down in the DMs than it is I am trapped in the DMs.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/clairegillesp/" target="_blank">clairegillesp</a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - what can I say, it’s still all about Greece with a bit of self-promo thrown in. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is a Facebook page - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/motsdeclaire/" target="_blank">Mots de Claire</a></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - for this blog now! So if you do not follow me on Twitter (even if you do) but still wish to be updated on the goings-on over here then please ‘like’ it and I swear these will be more regular now because it will be horribly obvious if they’re not. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week I’m listening to Stormzy and nothing else (like every other week) - Cigarettes & Cush, Blinded By Your Grace Pt. 2, Velet/Jenny Francis - and the rest of the album. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-63828035059183830002017-06-14T05:57:00.004-07:002017-06-22T01:44:46.950-07:00Do Your Best<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve been thinking a lot lately about failure. About the way we decide what constitutes a failure, about my own failures and what I should take from them. Should I even call them failures? I mean they almost certainly are, I did fail to keep my job, I did fail to maintain this relationship or that, I have failed to be earning £100,000 a year and own my own home by age 25. There are lots of things I’m still waiting to see the results of, will they be more failures? Or are they just things that were not meant for me or things that just didn’t come to pass? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I failed to get into Oxford. That is a fact and no amount of ‘I wouldn’t have liked it anyway’ disputes the fact that that decision was out of my hands and did not go in my favour. Seven years after this event though, it doesn’t feel like a failure in the emotional sense, just something that did not happen. Knowing I feel this sense of distance, and indeed, that I felt it as early as when I went to a university that did accept me nine months later, gives me a lot of comfort. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people who did not make me feel like this was a failure. Shout out to my parents who tell me at least once a year that all I need to do to make them proud is to make sure I’m happy. It’s definitely their way of telling me to chill the fuck out. Another huge thank you to everyone who has ever taught me for being incredible mentors and continuing their support long after it was their job to do so. Except my Year 10 maths teacher, who openly hated me, no thanks for you hun. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJZzqiYAKJCQFmLJcbiOdPgwVx9OOF-1SV_hNQ_s3J04602tYvTe-HLzy_DFD32aO6Npefe3jFwdD-bwi0KdGT8pB8xTvIbnB7GoJdGEsM4-5PUQ5LbqwfNLcbhNiTsnaC3UfPDOQXiOU/s1600/IMG_1432.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJZzqiYAKJCQFmLJcbiOdPgwVx9OOF-1SV_hNQ_s3J04602tYvTe-HLzy_DFD32aO6Npefe3jFwdD-bwi0KdGT8pB8xTvIbnB7GoJdGEsM4-5PUQ5LbqwfNLcbhNiTsnaC3UfPDOQXiOU/s320/IMG_1432.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thing about trying your best is that it’s terrifically boring. Having to sit down at make myself write this blog every week will be an enjoyable chore. Learning Arabic, using a new development platform at work, trying to figure out how the hell to format these blog posts - all of that gives me at least a couple of hours a week of just wanting to pack it all in and lay face down on my bed. I’ll talk about social media at some point but I quite obviously do not post photos of me sending messages to my boss which read ‘kill me I’m so confused’ but they are numerous and props to her for sticking with me through those moments. I have been very blessed to have a situation where I can roam and be in beautiful places but that would mean nothing to me if I wasn’t being challenged. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No challenges = no doing my best. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It would be easy for me to characterise the last few years as a cacophony of failures. Sometimes I do, like when I’m surrounded by the contents of my suitcase and clinically tired because I’ve been up at 4am to catch a flight to Greece and it feels like even being here is just a way to kill time because how could I even hope to make this work? Then I went for a walk by the sea that I’d been so excited to be near, and I unpacked, and slept for ten hours, I sat at my new desk and got back to work. I feel better now, combined with new place nerves, there is an underlying excitement at what the next six weeks will bring to me.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrJdSG-NGvKsLZ0DlMb3v5_QQiupgF9tIqgylA9j8VWkMCHaRJPzDFTzSXmj84d5qys74rMWdFqI9l_U7Qqj_bxnECFnwD4v3Ip40dkOZfltfx-RRme94ZsmArCJgqPuPRIB0C4jT6tM/s1600/IMG_1544.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1199" data-original-width="1600" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrJdSG-NGvKsLZ0DlMb3v5_QQiupgF9tIqgylA9j8VWkMCHaRJPzDFTzSXmj84d5qys74rMWdFqI9l_U7Qqj_bxnECFnwD4v3Ip40dkOZfltfx-RRme94ZsmArCJgqPuPRIB0C4jT6tM/s320/IMG_1544.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m a huge fan of these failures (sometimes, and only ever in retrospect), not only because they taught me to calm the hell down because no matter what you do, things can and will go wrong. Also because they have, over the course of time, shown me that what I want to be is someone who tries and then just keeps on trying. Giving everything a bloody good go is literally all I can do and I hope I always live my life like that. It also makes the failures easier to take because I know that if I gave something everything I had, and still didn’t get the result I wanted, it was never for me to have. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You might not subscribe to ‘everything happens for a reason’ and to be honest, neither do I on a general scale. In the words of S Club 7 though - it is helpful for me to feel like ‘things are sent to try you and that how you respond and get up and try again is the actual definition of who you are. In accordance with this, I listen to a lot of interviews with people who do many different things - and a lot of podcasts in general. I will list recommendations below but this helps give me perspective on how long the road to where I want to be could be and also how no one ever feels ‘done’ so I should calm the hell down. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My second top tip for remembering that I should focus on the trying and not obsess over the result, is to take part in something so much bigger than myself that I can only do a very minimal amount but that I am not in any way responsible for the outcome. Volunteer! Campaign! Do shit like that because oh gosh is it life-affirming to care about something that doesn’t always benefit you directly but you can still have an impact on.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the wake of the election I will definitely feel better for having spent rainy mornings and evenings handing out leaflets and knocking on doors. Knowing that at least I did the best by what I believed and went out there and talked to proper people about it - proper people who did not agree with me but who I want the best for anyway. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">EDIT: and it looks like, in a lot of ways, this actually worked. I think? Who is even forming the government? No one knows! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - it’s just Labour party memes pals, and it’s gonna stay that way for a while. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - which will be heavily populated with photos exploring my new home for the forseeable future. </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-de7f1da3-a678-cb2b-a48e-982743f86cac"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m listening to Hello Friend with Bethany Rutter, The High Low, and also Our Man in the Middle East with Jeremy Bowen which is very good & episodes come in at a very manageable 15-20 minutes. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-55173121542295915042017-04-25T15:38:00.002-07:002017-04-25T15:38:30.113-07:00The Waiting Game<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">wasn’t going to talk about this, I’d made a very firm promise to myself to go complete radio-silence on the issue but I only did that because I didn’t want to talk about how absolutely awful I felt. I felt stupid and incompetent and like a total disaster area. I don’t feel like that now, and even if I am all of those things, sitting around and doing nothing is never going to make it better now, is it?</span></span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-25fd94fc-a736-9288-3423-186c11dd621e" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After spending the past six years seemingly waiting on emails for results and acceptances and plenty of rejections besides, you’d think it would bother me less. It doesn’t. I cannot sit still and i have no patience, I want to know what the results are and I want to know what action I need to take as a result. Some people would call it being proactive, but it has so easily slipped into wishing my life away. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know it comes from a good place because I’m young (cries about her incoming 25th birthday) and out of education and I have so much I want to do. I just want to see what’s out there and get moving again after six months back at home. It’s a mixture of never-ending stress and a lot of excitement about what could be next. I am only just getting started and I hate the feeling of being held in one place because it’s not logistically possible for me to do anything else.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now I’m not just waiting for an email or two which will tell me where I’m headed for the next few years, I’m waiting on resolutions to arguments that might never come and feelings of solace that I am only just regaining. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh7MYkScOSoz3NLajPZgSadvLDyiPC139ioc73jfdygk29oHDx3P3THSypkPlNThRLYr1vKj_2g-8yYL1QkOnsahTTYwXBVf0znJT1CqIsTVIl9p5wADmJfhK9VPVAXywGeZBVQP5knY4/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh7MYkScOSoz3NLajPZgSadvLDyiPC139ioc73jfdygk29oHDx3P3THSypkPlNThRLYr1vKj_2g-8yYL1QkOnsahTTYwXBVf0znJT1CqIsTVIl9p5wADmJfhK9VPVAXywGeZBVQP5knY4/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Appropriate photo representation of actually physically waiting.</span></i></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But if the past few months have taught me anything it’s that I’m waiting for nothing. There is no point waiting for better days because they are, quite simply, not coming. Not because life is destined to be awful or because things can only get worse, but because better days are right here and there will always be another challenge, another emotional test, but right now I have everything I need and it would be incredibly foolish to suggest otherwise. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is no time like the present. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Honestly, there really isn’t. This might be a personality flaw but I find the longer I am made to wait for something the less I care. There’s only so much emotional strain I can put myself through because I yell ‘fuck it’ and throw generic nondescript office documents into the air. It might be a personality flaw, but a worse one is my tendency to think I need to have everything be ‘just so’ before I start working on the things I want to work on and moving in the direction I want to be going. That’s a proper flaw not just because it holds me back, but also because it stops me enjoying what is right in front of me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And to put it politely, if I’m not enjoying that I must be out of my fucking mind. </span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who doesn’t enjoy their incredibly flexible job that pays them just enough to let them travel and spend weekends with their friends and none of that even matters because what makes my life what it is are the people in it. To suggest I’ve put my life on hold waiting for an email suggests that the only things I consider to be achievements are the career-based movements that said email would bring. That’s not true and it never has been, I’ve been torturing myself with pressures I don’t even believe in because I know the achievement of having people to call when I’m sad and a group of friends to go to the pub with are just as important to me. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBT8SYrtcLLzV3ti7lvSPlKMCdZxUmso8jupEJdJlozgKP7jJIlFfvdSPM-RE3wvRLxRXQrtzZ9wyrzPrcRqSkNSEupc5wrmp1_JQmQv5unn4qgbxIJ_NNatQ-pkEwK66NZAeUfNlwTw/s1600/IMG_0934.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEBT8SYrtcLLzV3ti7lvSPlKMCdZxUmso8jupEJdJlozgKP7jJIlFfvdSPM-RE3wvRLxRXQrtzZ9wyrzPrcRqSkNSEupc5wrmp1_JQmQv5unn4qgbxIJ_NNatQ-pkEwK66NZAeUfNlwTw/s320/IMG_0934.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<i>If this is what waiting looks like, long may it continue.</i></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">None of those things are on hold, they’re right here and I get to have them every single day. I get to book trips and make plans and write and podcast and there’s no one stopping me from doing any of those things, apart from the fact I’ve been fooled into thinking I can only be successful ‘when x happens’, that I’ll get stuff done ‘after I know about x’.</span></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t even believe in that! I don’t even believe in constructed ideas of success based on your career or income! I believe in having money, and stability and healthy social relationships - it scares me how easily I was drawn into believing things that everyone else says about life and forgetting how to live my own.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So as of today I am not waiting, this is just a period of time like any other, and it deserves the same excitement and respect and hard work that I would like to imagine myself capable of. The irony is that I stopped posting weekly (and altogether) because things got heavy, in a way that felt like it might never pass. They are better now, waiting for an email doesn’t deserve putting my life on hold, but waiting to adequately restore my self-esteem was a worthy cause and it was always going to take a bit of time. I didn’t wait for that to happen either, I went out there and got it, and so now, I will make this time count, too. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">xx</span></span></div>
<br />
<span id="docs-internal-guid-25fd94fc-a738-9a91-f515-8494ff2de141"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-39110896768225875852017-01-01T06:26:00.002-08:002017-06-20T05:03:04.339-07:00New Year<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm going to have to conclude, against the
internet's conclusion, that 2016 was personally wonderful. You'll have to give
me a break because the years 2014 & 2015 were borderline catastrophic so it
didn’t have a lot of competition but also I did so much that I wanted to do but
was never quite sure that I would. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">This is partially due to my age - which I
frequently make jokes about but in all honesty I wouldn’t change for the world.
You certainly couldn’t pay me any money to be 18-22 again and I don’t
especially fancy a repeat performance of 23 or a lot of 24 either. I hope I
always say this, every single year more certain than the last, that I don’t
wish for anything that is already behind me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Here’s to another year of not knowing
where you’ll be this time next year.<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMTJ9qc8NgAUkh9_s6B0bltVAyx0O5A49sTzdxExwq65WE0xKOZHOV2doQoYrofffPDvqXbdY72-Zhu53kPrOJvw9PWrigARYkHk29G1VARrcrI1xLwQKB7NVQ6Y3Hf2IS6WHP9iowDJg/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMTJ9qc8NgAUkh9_s6B0bltVAyx0O5A49sTzdxExwq65WE0xKOZHOV2doQoYrofffPDvqXbdY72-Zhu53kPrOJvw9PWrigARYkHk29G1VARrcrI1xLwQKB7NVQ6Y3Hf2IS6WHP9iowDJg/s320/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="separator" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: 10pt;">This is how
2016 feels tbh.</span></i><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Good Practice<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Reply to your messages.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Tell people you love them - and show them,
too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Do your hair and makeup every time you go
out - this is not vanity it is your way of showing yourself that you are worth
feeling your best and that is OK.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Take your makeup off. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Don't spend time with people you don't
want to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Don't bitch just because it's easy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6258233281225748208" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Don't complain just because you can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Turn off your damn phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Remember that you're lucky - don't let
anyone else tell you that you are. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Write something every week - stop worrying
if it's shit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Go on all those trips you promised
yourself – for the love of God girl, get a new suitcase.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Make proper lists of good things that
happen so you don’t come to write this next year and struggle to remember
because you’ve had a bit of a shit December. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Go the whole year without saying one bad
thing about the way you look – not even a joke about being ‘weird looking’ –
you know that’s just a guarded way of saying you wish you were a little bit
more <i>obviously</i> pretty and it will not
stand in 2017.<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCNOVcN5kA10dqWWCKw3PLs4OeuvHmWGTYCb1gbmcswPCYNvevgPU0U2jtD_kb8aMvBHs8Z3rEd-tMPU942FMxXKS7bdejMFAYczNjjSQe_-PVdGzbuRe2mlgj79bYz90YvUC4p1vnWQ4/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCNOVcN5kA10dqWWCKw3PLs4OeuvHmWGTYCb1gbmcswPCYNvevgPU0U2jtD_kb8aMvBHs8Z3rEd-tMPU942FMxXKS7bdejMFAYczNjjSQe_-PVdGzbuRe2mlgj79bYz90YvUC4p1vnWQ4/s320/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center" class="" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: 10pt;">If wearing
this dress every day in 2017 was an option - I would totally do it.</span></i><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<b style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<b style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Be the Kindest Bitch</span></b></div>
<div class="" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">It might be the year to invest in a badge
that says ‘Optimistic but not Stupid’. There’s a strong case to divide people
into two groups, people who see the ability to give kindness and love as a
strength and an essential to keep the world turning and people who see it as a
waste of time and possible stupidity. More fool the second group, you won’t
change them and hardening yourself is not the right course of action. You are
so loved. So someone (nearly) ruined the last two weeks of your year? So what?
Say you cared, say it hurt, be proud of that. Be prouder of the fact you let
people support you, and you believed them when they said they loved you, and
you were worth more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Be a tough little bitch always, obviously.
Life is hard and you’d be a fool to think the curve balls were over age 24.
Hard enough, without not letting anyone help you or let other people know
you’re there. What a colossal waste of time it would be to never let yourself
see what everyone else has to offer you.<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-2188938503706584592016-12-13T14:58:00.001-08:002016-12-13T14:58:18.197-08:00Coming Home<div style="text-align: justify;">
The low-down is this: I'm permanently home, for good, like I live here now. I keep flirting with going away and mentioning it, but not until I get my shit together. I'm predicting (praying) that only takes about four more months.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>My Favourite Things About Being Home</b><br />
I've been home for just over a week now and I've drunk about 100 cups of tea. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
That's not an overestimate I am really enjoying British stereotypes. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I also love talking to people, I'm talking to everyone. I am a walking northern stereotype and I love it. In fact I am not a stereotype because it's true, we do speak to everyone. We talk about the weather and about being ready for Christmas and about how busy the city is on a Saturday even though it's busy every Saturday because loads of people live there. I am a northern woman and I love it.<br />
<br />
I love Christmas more than I can ever express, and this is a first time in the last few years where this time of year doesn't look like it will be an absolute shit show. So I love that. I know there's technically still time, but I think if there's a time for blind optimism it's probably 2016.<br />
<br />
I love the cold and dressing for it, I love my hair and my glasses and looking the way I imagine myself to look - does that make sense? My hair and my skin look about ten times better so my body obviously agrees with this conclusion. Cold weather and hats = my hair is GLOWING.<br />
<br />
I love the rain, which is good because when I told people in Jordan this they claimed I wouldn't when I got back to it. So it's nice to know I wasn't just talking shit like everyone thought I was.<br />
I love it most when I'm not wearing any makeup or my glasses so I can see and dry my face easily. I also adore the moment when everyone gets on public transport or inside a cafe and starts to warm up and dry out but they all look a little bit less 'done' because they've just been out in the rain.<br />
<br />
I've also become a huge advocate of working on Christmas Eve, apparently. Shout out to my kids still working in retail who have to do that even though Christmas is over a weekend this year. I like to think it's because everyone is in such a good mood, and so ready to get home for dinner, that no one is difficult. And also because, as discussed, I bloody love Christmas. In reality it's probably a form of Stockholm Syndrome as I have worked every Christmas and New Years for the previous <b>nine</b> years (crying at my age) so it makes sense that I would have to find a silver lining in the absolutely hellish period that is retail during the festive season just to not spend every December in a pit of misery.<br />
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhwxjSBaXVqoVnNtePwuObghoMmkQX9QoWfj60FJTBg-4Vv9lKIIbIoKS3EdG7_AwN14KdFdQj6YUwZvWroMfM6DxKmY3RFUfJynjXoFFF-tPWpB9Ln8NzpsO6ueusZKCnecwztdYzxAY/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhwxjSBaXVqoVnNtePwuObghoMmkQX9QoWfj60FJTBg-4Vv9lKIIbIoKS3EdG7_AwN14KdFdQj6YUwZvWroMfM6DxKmY3RFUfJynjXoFFF-tPWpB9Ln8NzpsO6ueusZKCnecwztdYzxAY/s320/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="229" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Here I am being so happy I've forgotten to let my face know or open my eyes.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>Soppy Shout Out to my Podcast Partner</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">The podcast is still going - episode three should be with us very, very soon. It's worth noting, for context, that Sharlene and I have got into the habit of having at least two hours of Skype chat either before or after every episode. It is time that I thoroughly enjoy and we would love you to hear but unfortunately I keep mentioning people by name and so, as to avoid ruining my life, we're keeping it just between the two of us for now. We talk extensively about dating and friendship and what it means to be British and everything in between. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Also worth noting is that we've never met, which is starting to feel increasingly strange and is hopefully to be resolved in 2017. For me we are not just proof of how great the internet can be as a place to meet people, but also proof that if you just give a shit about other people (as in all people, not just people you 'have' to be friends with) - and want to hear them - they can give you so much more than you expected. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Thanks for letting me mention Gary Lineker every week. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Sorry for accidentally activating Siri numerous times when we're recording. I love that we keep doing this even though it's so accident prone.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*****</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">I'm on Twitter - <b>@clairegillesp</b> - I'm trying to tweet positive seasonal/end of year things but also there's a lot of sass because I'm mad af. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">I'm on Instagram - <b>clairegillesp</b> - It's just me effusing about being reunited with all my friends and I don't even give a fuck they're all so great guys.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">I'm listening to Christmas songs every day and I am feeling seasonal - my favourite is '<b>Warm this Winter' by Gabriella Climi. </b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-6645358932960117102016-11-13T09:48:00.003-08:002016-11-14T01:59:58.420-08:00Most Improved<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: justify;">
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">It was going so
well! Weekly posts were a thing and didn't we all think they'd continue to be?
They will, I just took a break. There was no appropriate time for me to post
last week because world events were happening and I have no hot takes left. I
didn't have any to begin with. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I've spent most
of this week talking about politics, and whilst those conversations are still
on-going in person, you don't need another think piece about standing up for
what you believe in or what a complete shit show 2016 has been. Having those
conversations face-to-face is much more productive, so let's save our energy
for that. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">*****</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I recorded a
podcast. It's<a href="https://aforeword.com/2016/11/06/what-slipped-through-the-cracks-episode-1/" target="_blank"><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>here.</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">An actual real
life podcast which is available on the internet and includes my actual voice
(so I’m told). I was very nervous but have now settled into being very proud
that I actually did it. It’s amazing how in the four days since we put it out
there I feel more and more as if it’s a legitimate thing that I produced rather
than something I just ‘gave a go’. I basically said 'I am funny and interesting
and here is the proof'. You know you can't convince everyone and I'm not really
sure I care to. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I might look
back in a few months and think about how much we've improved and I'm almost
certain I'll do that as early as next week. I'm so happy with our starting
point though. So, so happy. Happy enough that we're going to do it again, and
again, and it will only get better. I'm so pleased that this is something I let
myself do.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I've streamlined
the list of things I'm working on down to (around) four. This is a big deal for
someone who feels the need to perpetually 'give things a go' but it's becoming
apparent that I'm not going to do anything at all if I spread myself too thin.
I do not have all the time in the world, I also have a job and I also need time
for other people because they are so important.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">*****</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Oh look it's
some more photos of views of Amman when the sun is setting. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I just love the
sunset/ I might be a basic bitch/ I'm not sorry.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">*****</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">If there was an #inspo Quote of the Week it would be: <i>For the
love of God, be good to the people who are good to you.</i></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Text your friends and tell them you miss them and you're thinking of
them and tell them things that you think they'd enjoy. Stop just thinking about
them and actually say things to them. Even if you text last, even if it's been
months oh my gosh just stop being so proud and weird and just say you care.
Stop pretending it isn't absolutely wonderful to receive this stuff too, and
that it isn't basically what actually makes the world go round. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I do have a hot take actually. That not being at university is a
fantastic lesson in just how hard making friends can be. How hard staying in
touch can be, especially when everyone else has their shit together and your
shit can barely spell the word together. You need it more than ever. It's hard
out here so stop being such a total pain in the ass to yourself. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Oh look it's me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This week Anne
T. Donahue's newsletter (that I mention in some form every week because it's
fantastic) ended on this note: <i>'<span style="background: #FCFCFC;">And
you are going to make it through this shit time because you are tough as fuck.'</span></i><span style="background: #FCFCFC;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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And I mean, I couldn't put it better than that.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">xx</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I'm on Twitter -<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b>@clairegillesp</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>- where this week I could retweet
excerpts from the 2003 <i>Trinny & Susannah: What Not to Wear</i> book every
hour on the hour, but I won't because it's actually a bit disconcerting.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm on Instagram
-<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b>clairegillesp<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></b>- where photos of my trip to
Ireland in July are featuring because I miss home/ I'm really excited for all
of my Christmas plans. I'm trying to make a resolution with myself to stop
semi-complaining about being busy because I'll love every second of it and all
of those people are the light of my life. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm listening to<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>'<b>Petite Soeur'</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>& '<b>Elle Me Dit'<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></b>by<span class="apple-converted-space"><b> </b></span><b>Ben L'Oncle Soul<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></b>which can fill that gap if you've
ever thought 'wow I would kill for some soul music in French right now'. Petite
Soeur also includes the line: <i><span style="background: white;">Ils t'ont
laissée, ouais, c'est tous des connards.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></i><span style="background: white;">So obviously I love it. </span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "times" , serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Imagine
if I let this section end without talking about the new<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b>Little Mix</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>song ('<b>You Gotta Not'</b>). You
guys I love it so much I can't express. I have to admit it includes some pretty
questionable preferences for your man's behaviour but I will be singing<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>I don't get paid to babysit no one/I'm
out here looking for the one to love </i>for the rest of my damn
life. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-69797173712756857782016-10-31T03:26:00.000-07:002016-10-31T03:26:21.554-07:00The Final 30 Days<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m so not ready for this. But then in a lot of ways I so completely am</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m almost certain it’s harder to be the person getting on the plane than the person waving them off (spoken as someone who is perpetually leaving places, so how would I know). Somebody always has to go first, and sometimes it’s you, and it’s always going to suck. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So this is it, the final 30 days. Some would tell you it’s actually 32 though isn’t it really. I would tell you that this goes up on a Monday and 30 sounds better. 4 more weekends and 4 more working weeks. I have told all my colleagues and all my friends by this point, so we’re inevitably going to spend the next 2 weeks talking about the things we must do before I leave and spending the last 2 inevitably doing only 25% of them. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe you’ve got questions, maybe you haven’t. Here are the answers anyway.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What are you doing about work? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m keeping it! I’ll be working remotely from the comfort of my house - so my colleagues will get all the delights of my contributions in meetings, with none of the pain of my weird lighting and temperature requests for the office. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Are you excited to go home? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Guys I’m so excited I can’t even explain it. So excited I’ve accidentally completely booked up the month of December already and I’m already telling everyone exactly what I want to do when I get home. Those are largely mundane things. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to say ‘when will I next see you’ and have the answer be a shrug and ‘maybe Wednesday?’ not ‘when do you leave again?’ </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to forget to pay for the coffee you give me like I do every single time I drop by the shop and actually be able to come in the next day and give you the money I owe you. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to sit on the edge of that sofa and have a cup of tea and spill it because I always do and pretend it’s not burning through my leg so I don’t interrupt the conversation. I’m sure you’d prefer I didn’t continue to spill tea all over your sofas but you’re nice enough to never say so. I guess you don’t want to interrupt the conversation either. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will you be sad to leave? </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is a very certain yes. I will concede that there are days when daily life is not so straightforward and home seems like the only place I want to be. Then there are entire weekends like this one where I get to watch the sunset just an hour outside of the city and I wonder why on earth I ever thought it would be a good decision to leave this behind. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Still, better to leave on a high - because I did always have to leave - than be driven to counting down the minutes and the days. Very lucky I am too, to have anything to miss. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What are you going to do with your final month?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At the moment it feels like I might spend this week with my fingers permanently attached to this keyboard. That and gradually introducing more and more layers into my wardrobe as it finally starts to cool down. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In all seriousness though, I’ve done pretty much everything I wanted to in terms of visits and trips. This month will be dedicated to the people have done so much to make this feel like my home; leaving obviously does not mean the end of anything, but being in someone’s actual presence isn’t really comparable to sending them endless texts (don't think I won't). </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So why are you leaving again?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mean when you put it like that. There are things at home that need my attention and things I need to present in the room for, of course all more easily done if I am significantly closer to the room in the first place. I can safely say I can't imagine a lifetime in which I never come back here. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*****</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also want to say a quick thank you to everyone who likes my blog posts when I share them on Facebook and likes my photos on Instagram. Mostly I just hear how inane just ‘liking’ something is when you don’t really speak to the person, but I think it means something that even though we’re not forced into the same proximity by school/university/work you still take an interest. I happen to think there’s something quite nice about our ability to very quietly wish each other well, actually.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also I need to find something to do with this little space on the internet of mine once I get home so any suggestions are more than welcome. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m writing a <a href="https://aforeword.com/2016/10/28/grab-her-by-the-brain/" target="_blank">weekly pop culture feature</a> for Foreword.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can find Foreword itself on Twitter @AForeword & ‘Foreword’ on Facebook.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where apparently this week I’ve just been talking about being on Skype and how impeccably dressed Jidenna is.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - there are pictures of the Dead Sea and sunsets and it’s all very pretty and very nice. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week there are loads of music recommendations including </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘What You Don’t Do’ by Lianne La Havas</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, which is the single cutest song in the world. Also </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Little Bit More’ by Jidenna</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> which takes the title for the sexiest song ever written and </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Start Again’ by Birdy</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> which has just given me a lot of feelings.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b> 'Gust of Wind' by Pharrell Williams</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> also just came on shuffle and has reminded me of unexpectedly nice memories of a summer spent writing my masters thesis. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="252" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/zJzVBNsBavfiYoNveIkyErofdMylrmoiK-oFXhcRsT6sss0MHo2PKZo8J8cSpI6qMP5BcPjnhRZK9T2YxuMKr2lbyJsWnkzfTpM0SRFk3qRW9rERvXyEABHG9rm0n1O_6KCRDhl0" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="351" /></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-c72133c4-1a3b-ccbf-ec5c-fbd165035f4c"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.3333px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wasn’t kidding guys. </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-50528987246368228482016-10-24T01:53:00.000-07:002016-10-24T01:53:04.307-07:00Just a Short One (It's the Legs) <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week was quiet, so this is going to be very brief. I have loved it though to be honest, having spent most of it either writing or in very good company indeed. I’ve spent a lot of it working, on various different things, talking to interesting people on Skype. It always baffles me the things people suggest I could do as I get older. It baffles me even more that I refuse to accept any of this is legitimate even though I would be the first to say I had worked incredibly hard for the past six years to get to this point.</span></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-8752d674-f5d9-6dfd-8360-758cdf68a04d" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It also never ceases to frustrate me that I can still hear and see the exact moment someone told me they couldn’t imagine me ever giving a lecture, like someone painted those words on the inside of my brain and I can’t remove them. I would say that having a very good memory for conversation is an excellent way to torture yourself. I joke about being old, but thank God I am. 18 year old me had neither the faultless confidence of teenage me or the critical analysis of mid-twenties me. She was pushed and pulled by everyone else’s commentary and when I think of what she did for the sake of other people’s opinions skin feels like it might leave my body.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">More actual ‘content’ is coming, it’s just not quite ready to be announced yet and until it’s there or taking place I’m not sure I’ll be convinced I can actually do it. So until then…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here is something I wrote a while ago about giving credit to that teenage girl with absolutely awful hair and a very questionable dress sense: </span><a href="http://motsdeclaire.blogspot.com/2016/04/a-love-letter-to-my-teenage-self.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A Love Letter To My Teenage Self </span></a></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also here’s an interview I did with Pretty Green Tea about my MA year, in which I talk about changing subject, and also how important it is to be able to receive love and support. Only I could turn a perfectly standard Q & A into an emotional life-lesson, I know: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.prettygreentea.com/2016/06/uni-life-claire-modern-history-ma" style="text-decoration: none;">Uni Life: Claire - MA Modern History</a></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjokoY6cPQUY6xvoVNR7bqTg_Z6rjQsl7vq6edNzJy53jSreFPhkJFkxDSZtbrrgvcsvfgPEPgplaCRg3e-kBTU4l0KWjr0p_uA4EuzyXaU6PBl9FDTPXJIH9Z5fYF0idg5mpMBQzTpLnc/s1600/IMG_6826.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjokoY6cPQUY6xvoVNR7bqTg_Z6rjQsl7vq6edNzJy53jSreFPhkJFkxDSZtbrrgvcsvfgPEPgplaCRg3e-kBTU4l0KWjr0p_uA4EuzyXaU6PBl9FDTPXJIH9Z5fYF0idg5mpMBQzTpLnc/s320/IMG_6826.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I could have done a whole post on this breakfast but no one wants that apart from me.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Usually we would describe weeks like this as normal and routine, but that isn’t fair. I still can’t get Facebook Memories, because for some reason I’ve been chosen to be one of the last people on earth to be able to post cute pictures of their friends from that random night out four years ago. I do have Timehop though, and it’s serving as a very good reminder to exactly how much I would have chopped off my arm to have a week like this a year ago. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Good things I’ve seen this week:</span></div>
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<a href="https://t.co/JbOla38tYY" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Something I knew already, but still made me very sad, about how your regional accent might affect your career.</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Fab. </span></div>
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<a href="http://mail01.tinyletterapp.com/emmagannon/california-dreaming/6548509-markmanson.net/life-skills?c=4f9ff52e-f999-424e-a39f-22fa393de047" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This about life skills you should learn.</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My fourth one would be learn to trust that people love and care about you. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Am I allowed to give advice to do things I can’t do? Well if not it's too late now.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am behind and listening to them wildly out of order I know, but this week I listened to Emma Gannon’s podcast </span><a href="https://www.acast.com/ctrlaltdelete/episode32withcariadlloyd-thepowerofimprov" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ctrl Alt Delete with Cariad Lloyd</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and it was very, very good.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where I’ve been raving about how much I love Rosie from Made in Chelsea. She just gets more badass and no-nonsense with every series and also she dresses the way I would if I were a willowy jewellery designer from Chelsea and not a slightly out of proportion (it’s the legs) writer/historian/other from Leeds. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where this week I used the phrase ‘sweetest little egg’ because I felt like trying my hand at being adorable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline;">This week I’ve been listening to ‘</span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline;">Sunday Morning’ by Maroon 5 </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; vertical-align: baseline;">because it is my favourite song in the way that something can only be when you loved it when you first heard it at 11 and it remains my only enduring request for music on my wedding day. </span></div>
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6258233281225748208.post-29038661559150998452016-10-17T11:51:00.000-07:002016-10-17T11:51:30.921-07:00I Want To and I Can <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m sharing things on Facebook again! Shameless self-promo got me here and I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop now. Plus people keep telling me they enjoy this, so if you don’t, please go find those people and tell them to stop encouraging me (more on this later). </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-f5c35bcf-d3f3-89e4-0996-a90550082b09" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In news that surprises absolutely nobody, peacock-baby was an unequivocal social media success: </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="277" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/hMPVZaxqsEC-AnL4zo7-G4miqe2kgNB18xwhnTfzMzlQfHeN0A-fW-VZ0PqEBd0OA-uymZ4X4i_Oki4Fcbczw4afNFEFGgbPGRyXbbrv3FTkD3erskteBUsV71KxHzF_qDyYV2Mr" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="273" /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a pun about ‘peaking’ here somewhere but I’m too lazy to find it.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve met a lot of people since I got here - this is not bragging as much as it is a reflection of how many people have come and gone since I arrived - I seemed to arrive at the perfect time to say goodbye to 99% of my friends from that moment forward. If I were a business I’d be under investigation for staff turnover by now.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I do currently have friends though which is very exciting for me and very satisfying for my extroverted side (there is no other side) which could be driven slowly mad if I didn’t spend my time driving the people around me slowly mad instead. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thing about meeting a lot of people and also having quite a varied and ‘non-linear’ career trajectory so far, is that I get asked a lot of questions about how I ended up in various places and jobs. I can’t even describe what I do now properly, but once someone described it for me and they did it so well that the reaction I got was not blank stares but appreciative nods and ‘that’s so cool’. The way they said it made me really believe it, I wish I’d heard what he said. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I wanna talk about it, because you can, actually, do whatever you want. You don’t have to be beholden to your degree subject or your first job for the rest of your life. You can change career, or start a new career, or just do more than one career.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Basically: if you want to you can. It frustrates me endlessly, in the most affectionate way, to hear people say they’d love to do things with that resignation which suggests that doing what you want is meant for other people. It isn’t. The things you want are there for you to have. And maybe you won’t want them, maybe they aren’t what you thought they’d be. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is not advice, I am the authority on no one’s career, but I am pretty good at giving everything I want to do a bloody good go. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Send the email. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week I sent all of the emails to everyone I should have emailed in the past few months. The weird thing about not telling people who don’t know you exist that you have an idea or want to be involved in something is that they never find out. Send the email. Send it now. Don’t forget those attachments. Now send it. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is no good justification for anything on my CV apart from ‘I wanted to, so I asked if I could’. I just said ‘I can do that’ and that is I ended up with about 90% of what I have now. No one has offered me anything without a little of me waving my arms and yelling ‘I am here, and I am capable’. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know how completely absurd it is to say ‘I just did it because it sounded cool and I wanted to’, but why the hell shouldn’t I? Who says I have to go from my degree into a normal job. Certainly not my parents - thank you endlessly for raising me to think I could be exactly what I wanted even if I didn’t know what that was. It’s also comforting to know we share the same pain of trying to explain to the people around us what it is that I’m actually doing. One day maybe I’ll get a normal job, and small talk will finally be just that, rather than an epic description of my incredibly complex career to date. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also know it’s not that simple. I have sent a thousand emails and I’ve been ignored more times than I’ve had a response. I’ve applied for about ten times more jobs than I’ve had. I’ve pitched so many things that are still no closer to seeing the light of day than they were a year ago. Just saying ‘I want to and I can’ will not always be enough. Never saying ‘I want to and I can’ will absolutely never be enough.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s such a pointless curse to put on yourself to spend more time worry about how qualified you are rather than actually going out and getting it. No one is going to put you on a blacklist because you weren’t quite right for the job, no one is going to mass-forward that pitch you sent just because it wasn’t right for their publication. You will not be for everyone and some things just aren’t for you. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img alt="shit.png" height="110" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/1e-vOs7RclGGEVDIvHUNBXZlO7dd9mEXzYlrZt9jYDhkB1I0k43J1n0n7ze4VX13sW9AMCoyODbkirvCc6Orku6gqttCVO0g5RjkUXtNVxnKv2zSPPe7YeIg61iE94j0ywbtHNOC" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="412" /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.333333333333332px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mostly I’m just surprised it’s taken this long.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Accept praise, no one is doing it for the good of their health. Tell people to fuck off, for the good of yours. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The other answer to ‘how did you end up doing that’ is ‘someone told me I could’. The blog was someone else’s idea, actually, as was working in fashion. The writing career was suggested to me on the back of a ‘feedback postcard’ my Drama teacher sent home when I was 16. Nearly everything I ever thought I could do was someone else’s idea. Basically everyone just suggests things to you and you just have to be ready to hear them.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One exception goes to the career choice quizzes we had to do at school, every time I got my results the careers adviser only ever warned me that the chosen industry was too competitive. Listen girl I didn’t make the quiz, and I’m pretty sure it only has 30 possible outcomes, so please stop telling me I can’t fulfil my automatically generated dream of being a landscape gardener. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let people tell you what they think you can do. Don’t let them tell you who you are. I let everyone tell me I was too quiet, not creative enough, not the right sort of person to do so many things, for such a long time. What a complete waste of time. People who warn you off your own personal development are not good authorities on who you are. Ignore them and get back to sending all those emails. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One person’s Renaissance Woman is another’s Total Mess, as the saying goes. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stop living your life like you’re going to school reunion tomorrow when there’s so much you can’t control. You will work really hard at things only to have them thrown back in your face, you will get offered stuff because someone liked your stupid personal Twitter feed. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2015 was an absolute car-crash, I’m not too proud to say so, and it would have been understandable if I’d decided to give myself a bit of a break and stop trying to do the things I really wanted to when they’d pretty much all failed. There is not a week that has gone by that I haven’t said a little thank you to myself for not doing that. For giving everything a really good go, and then another one just to make sure.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">xx</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Twitter - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">@clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - it’s really just pictures of Jeff Goldblum this week guys. I also called all men pigs with impressively good-humoured results. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m on Instagram - </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">clairegillesp</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - where there is an actual picture of my actual new hair because I’ve finally made peace with it. We also have a new cat and he’s my fave thing so photos to follow soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m listening to </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; font-weight: 700; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Shout Out To My Ex’ by Little Mix </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6667px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">because there was a complete female Twitter love-in when they performed this on the X-Factor last night, and as we all know, nothing makes me happy like women supporting other women. If you don’t believe women can love one another then go look at the hashtag from this and enjoy being wrong. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15829978075614144410noreply@blogger.com2