Anyone who ever moved to another country all on their own and tells you they didn't cry at least twice in their first week, is lying to you. This shit is hard, and emotionally challenging, no matter who you are. If you're stupid enough to move out here without anywhere to live or even any real concrete knowledge of how to extend your visa then - well, hi there, welcome to the club. Sometimes you've just got to wing it, and remember that if worst comes to worst, you can always just sack it all of and go home. That's a pretty good worst case scenario - but who knows, maybe we can be a bit more ambitious than worst case scenario now?
Maybe not quite yet, but alleviating the anxiety of the first few days has felt like a light switching back on in my brain. It's also been a solid learning curve on how to take care of myself, if I stop eating because I'm anxious that will just make my blood sugar levels low and my anxiety even more crippling. So on Friday I had a quick word with myself and bought some food and spent my first weekend eating myself back to some form of mentally stable.
Then I started work and everyone was lovely and I just admitted I was new and scared and a bit confused by everything and it was fine. I have completely embraced shouting how I'm feeling from the rooftops so everyone I meet gets a quick insight into exactly how terrifying I'm finding this whole experience. What an absolute joy to be around I must be. It means I feel more comfortable asking for advice, It also means I'm getting used to the idea that this stress is just temporary and I can and will, get through it.
Also here's another gushing remark about my ever supportive #girlsquad, across the world and the internet who are constantly supporting me as I pour my every feeling out to them over the last week. Thanks guys, And to my favourite boys, who keep the group chat filled with a very specific form of pop culture/political chat that makes me feel a little less far from home.
Some less positive incidents this week may be named thus:
'Old white men tell me what they think about my research/career ambitions and give me advice I have not given one iota of a inference I want/need.'
'Old white men ask me for help and then continue to speak over me in every conversation'.
'Old white men try and tell me what's going on economically/politically in my home country as if I may have forgotten during the flight time and the internet doesn't exist.'
'Old white men disagree with me and ignore me when I try to explain the inner workings of an institution I used to work in.'
'Old white men tell other people what's going on in their home countries despite the fact they appear to be pulling this information out of their ass.'
'Old white men give their opinion on my appearance/age.'*
*STOP DOING THIS. If I have already told you how old I am it is of literally NO CONSEQUENCE how old you think I am. If you were wrong it still doesn't matter, I'm not going to be driven to amending my birth certificate by your opinion. I assure you there have been enough years in my life for me to achieve everything I have claimed to. The dates on my CV add up and everything. ALSO, do not try and claim it is a compliment as if women should constantly be striving for youth, you complete asshole.
In another twist of events I appear to have agreed to join a cross fit gym over the road from my work place and if that isn't the sign of madness and an impending mental breakdown then I don't know what is.
Also worked out the heating in my apartment so am basking in temperatures at least three times warmer than those outside on a daily basis.
It's still cold here, but we should be back in the low twenties next week so then I can start mentally preparing for summer in the desert.
Finally, on day seven, I am feeling happy and settled and will be writing more frequently as a result. You were right, it was nothing I couldn't handle, and there is nothing I can't do. Thank you for being patient with me when I thought I couldn't/wouldn't make it this far.
I hope your week feels like mine, successful and with a peaceful ending, ready to face another one.
Here's to us - we did it!
xx
No comments:
Post a Comment