The Final 30 Days

I’m so not ready for this. But then in a lot of ways I so completely am

I’m almost certain it’s harder to be the person getting on the plane than the person waving them off (spoken as someone who is perpetually leaving places, so how would I know). Somebody always has to go first, and sometimes it’s you, and it’s always going to suck.

So this is it, the final 30 days. Some would tell you it’s actually 32 though isn’t it really. I would tell you that this goes up on a Monday and 30 sounds better. 4 more weekends and 4 more working weeks. I have told all my colleagues and all my friends by this point, so we’re inevitably going to spend the next 2 weeks talking about the things we must do before I leave and spending the last 2 inevitably doing only 25% of them.

Maybe you’ve got questions, maybe you haven’t. Here are the answers anyway.

What are you doing about work?

I’m keeping it! I’ll be working remotely from the comfort of my house - so my colleagues will get all the delights of my contributions in meetings, with none of the pain of my weird lighting and temperature requests for the office.

Are you excited to go home?

Guys I’m so excited I can’t even explain it. So excited I’ve accidentally completely booked up the month of December already and I’m already telling everyone exactly what I want to do when I get home. Those are largely mundane things.

I want to say ‘when will I next see you’ and have the answer be a shrug and ‘maybe Wednesday?’ not ‘when do you leave again?’

I want to forget to pay for the coffee you give me like I do every single time I drop by the shop and actually be able to come in the next day and give you the money I owe you.

I want to sit on the edge of that sofa and have a cup of tea and spill it because I always do and pretend it’s not burning through my leg so I don’t interrupt the conversation. I’m sure you’d prefer I didn’t continue to spill tea all over your sofas but you’re nice enough to never say so. I guess you don’t want to interrupt the conversation either.

Will you be sad to leave?

This is a very certain yes. I will concede that there are days when daily life is not so straightforward and home seems like the only place I want to be. Then there are entire weekends like this one where I get to watch the sunset just an hour outside of the city and I wonder why on earth I ever thought it would be a good decision to leave this behind.

Still, better to leave on a high - because I did always have to leave - than be driven to counting down the minutes and the days. Very lucky I am too, to have anything to miss.

What are you going to do with your final month?

At the moment it feels like I might spend this week with my fingers permanently attached to this keyboard. That and gradually introducing more and more layers into my wardrobe as it finally starts to cool down.

In all seriousness though, I’ve done pretty much everything I wanted to in terms of visits and trips. This month will be dedicated to the people have done so much to make this feel like my home; leaving obviously does not mean the end of anything, but being in someone’s actual presence isn’t really comparable to sending them endless texts (don't think I won't).

So why are you leaving again?

I mean when you put it like that. There are things at home that need my attention and things I need to present in the room for, of course all more easily done if I am significantly closer to the room in the first place. I can safely say I can't imagine a lifetime in which I never come back here.

*****

I also want to say a quick thank you to everyone who likes my blog posts when I share them on Facebook and likes my photos on Instagram. Mostly I just hear how inane just ‘liking’ something is when you don’t really speak to the person, but I think it means something that even though we’re not forced into the same proximity by school/university/work you still take an interest. I happen to think there’s something quite nice about our ability to very quietly wish each other well, actually.

Also I need to find something to do with this little space on the internet of mine once I get home so any suggestions are more than welcome.

xx

I’m writing a weekly pop culture feature for Foreword.

You can find Foreword itself on Twitter @AForeword & ‘Foreword’ on Facebook.

I’m on Twitter - @clairegillesp - where apparently this week I’ve just been talking about being on Skype and how impeccably dressed Jidenna is.

I’m on Instagram - clairegillesp - there are pictures of the Dead Sea and sunsets and it’s all very pretty and very nice.

This week there are loads of music recommendations including ‘What You Don’t Do’ by Lianne La Havas, which is the single cutest song in the world. Also ‘Little Bit More’ by Jidenna which takes the title for the sexiest song ever written and ‘Start Again’ by Birdy which has just given me a lot of feelings. 'Gust of Wind' by Pharrell Williams also just came on shuffle and has reminded me of unexpectedly nice memories of a summer spent writing my masters thesis.

I wasn’t kidding guys.